Me

9-8-10

2010-09-08T17:26:00.001-05:00

Hey.....Im still kicking.

Just noticed that there have been a lot of people looking to see if Ive written anything, so I thought I would just say.....

HELLO!

Peace out....

3-24-09

2009-03-24T08:29:00.003-05:00

Hi.

The house is quiet right now because everyone is still sleeping. The baby didnt get up last night, that I know of.

Its raining today. Its supposed to be in the 60's, but theres rain. I dont mind the rain. Im glad the kids are sleeping in, they need it. I was up early this morning. 6am. Yeah, that seems early for me as of late. So I got up, and Ive been sitting here just chilling and watching the rain.

The baby wakes up as I speak. Ahhh...I love his cry. I think he wants his Grandma. Ok, he wanted me for a second, hes hungry.

This child doesnt use a pacifier. He spits it out. When he cries, hes hungry or he needs to burp. I take advantage of his cries because you dont hear it much.

Poor Jessica looks tired this morning. I guess he didnt sleep all night. Oh to be a young mom.

The baby is breastfeeding so I cant really help her. I wouldnt mind getting up at night to feed the baby, just so she can sleep. Jessica is getting a pump so we can help her out, but its a big ordeal. She can get one to 'borrow' but she needs to run all over to get the damn thing. I think we are doing that today.

Brad has been a good dad so far. He is doing what he can. Changing diapers and 'helping to feed the baby'. I dont really know what that means when he says that, but Im just going along with it. He has also been getting up with Jessica, to help out with what he can. I think he likes his little boy. I think he will like him more when he gets a little bigger. Right now, Curtis is so little and just wants his mom.

So being a Grandma is pretty cool. Its even more cool that Jessica is still living at home. I got to help her give him his first bath. He didnt like that too much. Ive also been able to watch him while she gets some sleep. Im not complaining.

I go back to work tomorrow. For whatever reason I have only had to work 1 day out of the last 5. Its been nice. The kids are on spring break this week, but they are at their dads. Jessica will be home alone tomorrow for the first time. Lets call it 'bonding' time. lol.

Eric has been the most amazing 'Pops' as well. He talks to Curtis and teaches him a word a day. We have the job of making sure this child is well educated. I dont worry about Jessica. Shes smart. Its Brad that is a little slow. He was brought up way different than Jessica. He was an only child who was spoiled rotten. Hell, he is still spoiled rotten.

There are photos. Im not sure what Eric is doing with them. I hope he posts them to his Flicker acct. He takes the most amazing photos and I cant get that through his thick skull. I appreciate all the photos hes taken. He has 'caught' Curtis.

I have made a little project for myself that will take a year. Im taking a photo a day of the baby and at the end of the year, Im going to make one big photo. Im going to print them up as 1 inch by 1 inch pictures and then put them in order so we can see his growth. I think after a year, it will be just once a month...lol. I thank Eric for helping me do this as well.

Time for me to go. I need to bond with my baby boy. I will update soon.

Peace out...

3-18-09

2009-03-18T16:12:00.002-05:00

My daughter, Jessica and her new son Curtis.

He was born on March 17th at 10:54pm. He weighed 7 lbs 6 oz and measured in at 20 1/2 inches long.

Hes amazing.

Shes amazing.

Im so very proud of Jessica for all her hard work during the labor/delivery process. She is so very patient with him and so attentive. She is going to be such a great mom.

Peace out...

2-23-09

2009-02-23T08:07:00.003-06:00

Holy crap...Im blogging!

Hi!

I have just a few minutes before I have to get ready for work, so here goes...

The shower was pretty much amazing. It seemed like all the ladies, young and old, had a great time. We ended up having around 50 people show up out of the expected and RSVP'd 70. The weather was shit!! It was very cold, snowy and windy. At times it was white out conditions. We were thankful for everyone that showed up considering the weather.

We had more than enough food. Again, we planned for 70. The boys liked the leftovers. I was able to give away a lot of what was extra. I think we finished off what we kept, last night. The ham was amazing so I didnt mind eating it for a few days.

The games went well. It was difficult to come up with games for so many people, but we managed to pull it off.

Gifts...OMG she got so many gifts. Jessica got pretty much everything she needed or wanted. My gift to her was to buy her what she didnt get. Wipe warmer, stroller, bottles.....somewhat little things. Now all we have to do is wait for baby so we can start using this stuff!! I forgot to mention that it took 5 vehicles to bring all her stuff home...including a Suburban truck that was jam packed! It was fun transporting on such a cold, blustery day.

Besides Eric, Im not sure if any of my local friends read this....I just want to thank you once again for all your help this weekend.

Work is good. I went to management and asked for more hours. I got 'em. I went from 27 or so a week up to 35. I wont complain about that. I think what they are doing is weeding out the call offs and the slackers. They are training me for 2 more positions this week bring the total up to 5. Yeah, I will be able to work in 5 departments by the end of the week. It makes me 'global'. *lol*

Im not too sure what else is new. Eric is amazing. I love him more everyday. Im thankful he puts up with my 'shit'. The weather sucks. Its cold and windy and there is snow. The highlight is that the sun is visible. This is important in the melting process.

All for now. I need to get ready to go learn something new at work. Yay!

I probably wont post again until the baby gets here. We are thinking he isnt going to wait until March 10th. (hes anxious to meet his grandma!)

Have a great Mardi Gras....

Peace out...

2-16-09

2009-02-16T14:08:00.003-06:00

Hi.

Its been a while since Ive been here. Ive been a tad busy.

It seems that Im always too busy to blog. I am, I cant help it.

Eric, Jessica and I have been working on the baby shower. Eric thinks this is the biggest thing thats happened to this town in a while. Its the 'social event of the year' is what he keeps telling me.

The RSVP's have come in. Most of the people we had to call for one reason or another, but the official count as it stands is 73 people. HolY ShiT!

This week I will be going over my list about 10 times a day knowing Im forgetting something important.

I keep telling myself that as long as there is enough food, the women will be happy. Right?

*sigh*

What else is going on? Besides this shower, not much of anything.

My son and his girlfriend broke up....again. This time I think he will listen to the mama and stay broken up. For the second time, he found out she cheated on him. Hes a mess, but he will be ok. He has already moved on to the next girl. An old girlfriend. I liked her. Who knows whats going to happen. Right now, they are just friends.

My daughter is going to give birth within a month. The ultrasound she had last week proved that this child has a big head. That freaked her out a little bit, but shes ok now. She has to get another ultra sound in 2 weeks to see how much hes grown. We went to the ultra sound to see our little man and I told the nurse I wanted a face shot. She laughed at me telling me that its almost impossible this far in the pregnancy to see his face. WELL, guess what I got? A face shot. I told the nurse that the baby and I have been talking and he was going to cooperate with me. Im going to be his favorite Grandma, I think.

I dont speak much of my younger two kids. They are boring...lol. They lead pretty uneventful lives and are quiet and reserved. I like that. No drama. No issues. No problems. Simple!

They are both happy and healthy, for the most part. My youngest has been sick as of late. She has this cold that just wont go away. Her perfect attendance for the year may have been scarred by coming home early one day due to a fever. We are hoping they over look that. And no, I didnt send her to school with a fever. She was cool as a cucumber when she left.

The weather is starting to act like Spring. Last count there were 31 days left until Spring. Right now, its sunny and pleasant. Its cold, but not windy like winter. Thank God! Im ready for this shit to be done with already. We have a little snow on the ground, but nothing to complain about. My dog can poop anywhere she wants to now without tippy-toeing through the snow.

Eric is doing good. He and I are doing good. Ok...better than good. We are great. He is the most amazing boyfriend, fiance person I could ever wish to have. Hes amazing. Simple. I love him! I love you, Eric.

Valentines Day was good. I told Eric not to buy me anything, but he did anyway. Booger. I had to work and of course, it was busy. We had a great day. Watched a race and just relaxed. I made dinner on Sunday for everyone, because I could. Happy V-Day everyone.

Race season has officially started. What a shitty race it was! They called the race with 47 or so laps to go because of rain. Bullshit. Dale took out 1/2 the field because Brian Vickers tried to block him. Kyle Busch wrecked...YAY! Jimmy Johnson had a sour day...heh! In talking to my NASCAR peeps, it was the worst race we have seen in a long time...especially for the 500! I can only imagine what the rest of the season will bring. New rules, new drivers and I work every Sunday. Oh well. Thank God for antiques like VCR's.

My next countdown, after the baby and spring, of course, will be the countdown to Joliet. Eric is going to enjoy a race weekend with me and my friends. I will end up giving him a kiss on Thursday and telling him I will see him on Sunday. He will enjoy the company and the food. Im not sure hes going to enjoy the crowd or the race or the heat or the sun or the noise or the fact that Dale Jr is there and I wanna see him. I get excited just thinking about it. More to come in the near future about the race.

My baby girl just told me we need to get interfacing. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?? I think it means I have to take her to the fabric store and let her get what she needs.

I will drop a few lines in a week or so. Im sure by then I will have something exciting to say.

Peace Out...

1-21-09

2009-01-21T09:05:00.002-06:00

Happy 2009.

This is my first post of the year. Ive been a tad busy.

My daughter is going to have a baby in about 8 weeks. I have been planning a baby shower for approximately 80 people. The store has been calling me in to work on my days off. Eric and I have been trying to spend some time together. Its been cold as shit and who wants to go outside when the temp is -15. I had a day in court.

I could probably go on and on. Its just been one of those years...again.

Jessica is doing great. Shes surprised me, a lot! I guess shes been a lot 'tougher' than normal. The baby shower, we decided, would make more sense if we had one huge one. There are so many friends and families, neither one of us wanted to go to 5 showers. So why not have 1?

My family, Brads family, my ex-family and friends. 80 people. Not to worry, the party isnt at my house. Hell, I dont think I could fit half of them here. We got the church my Grandma went to. She would have like that. I have been buying 'stuff' and organizing food and recruiting help with food and games and running around and trying to .... Get the point? Im slightly stressed.

We had Justins anniversary on the 13th. Of course it was one of the coldest days on record. To get to his grave site, we had to 'climb'...no 'trek'...ok we climbed and trekked through 2 feet of snow. Dont forget this was on one FUCKING cold ass day. I had snow up my pant legs...in my shoes. I was frozen. Eric, that snot, had boots on but made me go first. Eric and I were laughing because I know that kid was getting a kick out of watching us. God I miss that kid...

I got to go to court for an unpaid bill John is supposed to be paying. Long story short. I win! The lawyer is going to go after him because he makes like 10x what I do and agreed that he should pay his fair share. Its an orthodontist bill that I paid every time I took Jess to her appointment. I can get pissed right now, but Im going to let it go. Ive vented enough. I just hope that this lawyer can get John in court and I wont have to worry about this again. This lawyer also highly encouraged me to get a lawyer of my own to take John back to court for money child support. Im still on the fence. It will cost money and its another fight with the ex Im not sure I want to do. In the long run, he will be an asshole to his kids to get back at me. Hes a jerk like that.

Work is work is work. Not too long ago I worked 11 days straight. They have been calling me in on my days off and asking me to stay later or come in earlier. I need the money so I cant say 'no'. I miss being with Eric and the kids. Eric knows when I say, 'youre going to kill me', Im going in early. Hes amazing.

Eric and I are doing really, really well. Hes not driving me crazy like I thought he would. We spend as much time together as we can. We are both excited for spring to get here so we can actually be outside. Im thankful everyday for having him in my life.

We have a new president. Eric and I watched that together. It was an awesome moment. Im looking forward to change. Im looking forward to good things from Barack.

I just looked at the clock and I need to scoot. Ive got things to do today and Im not getting them done sitting here blogging.

I hope everyones New Year is going smooth.

Talk soon...

Peace Out!!!

12-29-08

2008-12-29T10:00:00.002-06:00

Hi.

Its quiet in my house. Eric is at an interview. Jessica just left with Brad for a doctors appointment. Hailey is at her dads. Cory, I assume, is at his girlfriends. Travis is at work. The cats are sleeping, as usual. Kadie just had a shower and is sleeping as well.

Im home alone.

Its sunny and real windy outside. There isnt much snow left after the past few days of 50 degree weather and rain. It almost looks like spring outside. Im not fooled. There are 80 days left until spring.

Im working 9 days in a row. For some this may be no big deal. For me, Im excited to see the paycheck that follows. It will be slightly more than the piddle that I usually get. I have been looking around for something that pays more, but there isnt anything. Im not going to drive an hour to go to work. To me, its not worth it. I need to be accessible for my kids. Yeah, they arent little anymore, but I still need to be a 5 minute drive away if there is an emergency. Its a 'mom' thing.

Eric has a job fair thingy today. He had to get up early and drive an hour. I was going to call him when I woke up but he surprised me. I heard my dog bark, then him telling her to 'shut up'. Ok....he didnt exactly tell her to 'shut up', but you get the picture. Here came the most handsome man down the stairs. He had a suit on and smelled so damn good. He was clean shaven and smelled so DAMN good. Not everyday that Im waken up by a man in a suit. Probably a good thing, come to think about it.

He called me when he got to his destination. I think he was nervous. I just told him that he had nothing to lose, so be himself. Im nervous for him, but Im sure he will do fine.

Things are tight here. We are living day to day. Im sure we arent the only ones. It sucks.

I have this weird sense that things are going to be ok. Ive never felt like this before. Im calm and not stressed about much. First time in my life, I think.

Eric has done something to me. Hes done a lot of things to me but thats besides the point. He has given me a sense of security. Even though things arent the greatest economically, I know things are going to be ok. With him, me, us, my kids, our friends. It just a matter of time.

Im not too sure what the new year is going to bring for us, or me for that matter. Eric and I are going to make a list of things we would like to see or do, accomplishments, goals. Just a list. Nothing fancy. I dont do resolutions. They last about a week then they are forgotten. We plan to make this list on new years eve then seal it up. Next year we will open the envelopes and see what we can check off. Maybe the list for the next year will include some of the stuff we didnt do or accomplishments we didnt accomplish.

This year for me, has gone from being the saddest to the most joyful.

My 13 year old nephew died this January. I will never get over it. I will never forget it. I have never had anything happen to me that can make me cry in an instant. Im going to think of him every single day for the rest of my life and Im never going to forget him. I miss him so much, it hurts.

I met my Eric. Who knew we would go so far? It started off with a conversation with him saying he 'just wants friendship' to me saying 'i will never get married again'. Good Lord! I cant say that we have had ups and downs. It seems with him there have just been speed bumps. I thank my little angel for him. I can not imagine life without Eric.

My 99 year old grandma died. She lived a very full life. She is what I strive to be. She was the most amazing woman. Caring, loving, funny, smart. She is so missed by my entire family. She was the center of everything. I have so many things around my house that remind me of her, it keeps her alive in my mind. Im so fortunate that she got to meet Eric. She liked him. When I would go see her while he was in Pittsburgh, she would ask about him. Asking me when are we going to get married. That was my grandma.

Im going to be a grandma. March 10th. Curtis Justin Bradly. I cant wait for that little bugger to get here. Hes going to be loved by such a big family. I know that Jessica and Brad are going to be great parents. OK, so I worry about Brad. Thats normal, right?

I cant wait to see what next year brings. It will have an abundance of laughter, some sorrow, a lot of joy, a little pain, tons of fun, but mostly, it will have a shitload of love.

I wish everyone a wonderful new year. I hope its filled with peace and joy, laughter and fun. I hope that our paths dont part and I see you all next year.

Peace out...

12-25-08

2008-12-25T16:37:00.002-06:00

Merry Christmas. I hope you all had a peaceful and memorable day.

Peace out...

12-23-08

2008-12-23T22:04:00.002-06:00

I borrowed this from Erics Facebook page.

Did you get a boyfriend or girlfriend?
I got the man of my dreams

Did you make a new friend?
Quite a few through Eric....thank you.

Did you get into a physical fight with anyone?
Does it count if you beat up your kids? HEY, they hit me first!!!

Did you go to a funeral or wedding?
Sadly, both. RIP Justin and Grandma....You are both so very missed.

Get so drunk that you passed out?
Not yet. I have a bar date with an old friend on Dec 26th. Im sure to be drunk.

Lost your voice?
You wish.

Had someone tell you that they liked/loved you?
Every day.

How has '08 been so far?
Its had some major lows and some extremely high highs. I prefer to be high...hehe.

How old do you want to be when you die?
Eric and I have talked about this. I dont want to be around when Im 99. 70 is too young. I think 80-85. Maybe 88. Yeah, 88. Thats a great number!!

How do you feel about love songs?
I feel good about them.

Who was the last person to call you?
Jessica called me 5 minutes after I got to work.

Have you ever talked on the phone in the shower/bathtub?
You know when youre waiting for an important phone call, and it happens while youre in the shower??

Where's the person you miss most?
Heaven.

Do you just want to yell in someones face right now?
Ive yelled enough today. It was a bad day.

Was today a good day?
Um...

Whats wrong right now?
Im tired. My ankles hurt. Its snowing, still. Its cold. Im broke. I need to still buy Christmas gifts. My sister in law is in the hospital with a broken arm and leg from falling in the driveway DUE TO THE FUCKING SNOW. *sigh*

What are your plans for this weekend?
Work. When Im not working, I will be with Eric.

Are you dating the last person you kissed?
Duh!

Do you still play in the snow?
I will get out there once or twice to build a snowman and take Eric sledding.

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
I dont know if its cute, but I like it.

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attracted to?
Yes.

Would you forgive a cheater?
Did they cheat on you or cheat at a game?

Are you mean?
I will be mean to you if you are mean to me.

Whos the first person in your contacts list in your phone?
Adele.

Does it matter when your friends bring up your past mistakes?
I dont think so.

Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?
Hell yeah! Drives the kids crazy.

When was the last time you stayed up all night on the phone?
April 13-14, 2008, and it wasn't on the phone, it was with Eric. (Sorry I copied his answer)

Do you curse a lot?
I do have a potty mouth.

Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
Im in my work clothes, so yeah.

What are you listening to?
Something Jessica and Doorknob are listening to on the computer. Oh, and the heat just kicked in.

Where did you begin 2008?
I was in bed, sleeping.

What was your status by Valentines Day?
Single, but searching for a date to a November wedding.

Were you in school anytime this year?
Nope.

Did you have to go to the hospital?
Yep. Spent 3 days there for pain. After that, I was home for 3 months. OH, and spent a lot of time there with my Grandma.

Did you have any encounters with the police?
I dont think so.

Where did you go on vacation?
Weekend trip to Toledo, OH and to Lake Geneva, WI.

Did you know anybody who got married?
Yes. Troy and Amy.

Did you know anybody who passed away?
Yes. Justin and Grandma.

Did you move anywhere?
I wish.

What concerts/shows did you go to?
Well, we saw the Madrigals this past weekend.

Describe your birthday:
Spent it with the man I love.

What is the one thing you thought you would not do, but did, in 2008?
Leave Target, and Im a better person for doing that.

What have been your favorite moments?
Finding Eric. Becoming a Grandma. Joliet races. Getting a new job.

Any new additions to your family?
Yeah, hes just not here yet. Hes still cooking.

What was your best month?
April and October.

Made new friends?
How many times do I need to tell you....Yes, I made new friends.

Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
Work?

Have you lost any friends this year?
I dont think so.

Change your hairstyle?
I dont think so.

Have any car accidents?
No.

How old did/do you turn this year?
41

Do you have a New Years resolution?
I dont do resolutions for New Years. I choose to be different and make them with it sounds good.

Do anything embarrassing?
Probably, but I dont remember. OH WAIT....calling BINGO when it was a blackout game. Yeah, I sunk a little bit in my chair while laughing my ass off.

Buy anything new from eBay?
Nope.

Get married or divorced?
Got engaged. Marriage will come in 2011.

Get arrested?
Nope.

Did you get sick this year?
A case of food poisoning.

Are you happy to see 2008 go?
Im anxious for 2009. My grandson. My daughters graduation. The stuff in 2008 happened for a reason. I couldnt control any of it. Im going to miss Justin and my Gram til the day I die. I met Eric. Hes the best thing thats ever happened to me and Im grateful for him. I dont know what next year will bring, but I will deal with it one day at a time.

Been naughty or nice?
Im always nice and never naughty.

What are you looking forward to most in 2009?
Curtis making his entrance. The July races, we have the most AMAZING seats. Summer. Weekend getaways with Eric. Jessica graduation.

Happy New Year

Peace Out....

12-21-08

2008-12-21T20:23:00.002-06:00

Hi.

From what Eric tells me, its been a while since Ive posted. And I thought its only been a few days. Where does the time go?

Ive been busy. I have been working nights, a lot. I hate working nights. If anything, Im up early and like to get things done then chill the rest of the day. I typically go to bed around 9 so when I have to work until 9, it messes me up.

Im not really in the spirit of Christmas this year, again. Im not too sure why. I have my kids, I have Eric and Im working someplace I like working.

I think lack of money has something to do with it. I wish that I could fill the floor with gifts for everyone, but I cant. I do buy the kids stuff all year and I realized last year, I dont need to spend another shitload of money just for Christmas. They were all ok with that. So this year, they are all getting socks and underwear. They are ok with that.

Ive gotten Eric a few things, but Ive already given them to him. He gave me a DVD box set that Ive wanted for a while...I was so flippen happy! He also gave me a movie for my PSP. Simple. I hope like hell he didnt get me anything else....HINT HINT!!

More than anything, I just want to be able to hang out with my family for the day. Watch movies and just chill. I dont make dinner. We munch.

I have to work on Christmas Eve until 630. My kids will be at their dads, as usual. Eric and I are sure what we are going to do yet. Maybe chill at his house. Maybe chill at my brothers house. All that really matters to me is that Im warm, Im not alone, and Eric is with me.

Ive started to make cookies. Between the kids, boyfriends and girlfriends, we are making 19 different kinds. Eric and I started this morning. 5 down, 14 to go. My daughter is going to help me in the morning knock out a few more. I think after tomorrows batches, we will start handing them out the friends and neighbors.

Eric, Jessica, Hailey, Brad and I all went to see the Madrigals. The kids are from our local high school and to listen to them sing is amazing. Simply amazing. We dressed up and went for dinner. Dessert was on the table when we arrived. Bread Pudding. Long story short, I was up all night thinking I was going to die. I wasnt sure if it was my appendix blowing up, or the food I ate. We came to the conclusion that it was the bread pudding. Eric to the rescue. He stayed up with me and took care of me. He did my dishes. Took my daughter to her dads house. Gave the dog her meds. All the while it is 3 degrees outside with a windchill of 20 below.

My angel.

I told him after I slept until noon, that there is only one other person that would have taken care of me like that....Jessica. It was such a great feeling to have him take care of me. I kinda cant wait until hes sick so I can take care of him. He was wonderful. Im not 100% yet, but Ive been able to eat and do feel a ton better.

Im off to watch 'Fido' with most of my kids and Eric. I will give my review the next time I post. This is one of Erics movies, so we are all a little scared. Its about a zombie who is the 'dog' pet of these humans....I think. Should be interesting.

I hope you all had a great weekend. Stay warm and see ya soon...

Peace Out....

12-7-08

2008-12-07T11:34:00.004-06:00

Hi.

It was so cool to wake up this morning to the smell of cinnamon rolls baking, my love laying next to me and the sun shining.

I am so very grateful that he is here with me.

Thank you to everyone for the support you have given him. These past few weeks have been life changing for him and me. I just really appreciate everything everybody has said and done for us.

Peace out...

12-1-08

2008-12-01T10:49:00.003-06:00

December. Wow.

So we start December with about 3 inches of snow. Thankfully it snowed AFTER we took Tim to the airport and we were home safe. I had to shovel twice last night. It sucked.

Today its cold and windy. I swear every time I leave the house. Bitching about how cold it it and how much I hate crunchy snow. (if you dont know what crunchy snow is, just ask)

My garage didnt get done. Damnit! Its so close. I think about 1 trip of bikes to my sons storage shed and 1 trip to Erics house and I will be able to park in there. Oh and lets not forget the garbage my lazy ass son didnt take out last week....

Work is great. Im getting more hours. Finally. They trained me for the deli. Day one was long and informational. I was on overload. That is until my boyfriend surprised me with a dozen beautiful pink roses. That was a great surprise, but made the day go so much slower. I think Im going to like the deli once I get used to it. Working 5 days a week will be awesome as well.

My daughter is getting FAT!! My grandson is getting big. We have been planning a baby shower for her with my family, his family, friends and my ex husbands family. If everyone shows up, we are going to have 70 or so people. What a great time!!

The move went very well. We had the truck unloaded in an hour. After that, everyone just started putting things together. The couch, dining room table, bedroom, kitchen.... It was awesome. Eric is probably 75% unpacked, if not more. Boxes were put in the garage. Wrapping paper was folded nicely for reuse when we move. It was like a well oiled clock. It was perfect. Nice to be able to walk into your home and it looks like a home and not a moving day mess.

After the big move, we relaxed for a little bit and then went to Fattys. One of my familys favorite dining establishments. (as Eric would say) We had a room all to ourselves in the back. There are 2 pool tables that we were using. Tables were pushed together for a party of 15 or so. It was perfect. Every one had great food and a lot of drink. We finally got home around 1130. Eric, even though he doesnt drink, looked drunk. He had been up for 24 hours and looked a mess. Regardless of how tired everyone was, we had a very memorable night.

Christmas is coming. My tree is up this year and we even have lights outside. Im sure Erics tree will be up in a week or so. Tis the season...

Thats about all for now. Im sure theres more, but I just dont know what. Time to go clean the house as its been ignored for a week or so.

Talk soon.

Peace out.....

11-17-08

2008-11-17T09:36:00.002-06:00

Hi.

The wind is blowing.

The leaves are flying.

Its cold.

The only nice thing about today is that the sun is out.

This time of year is my darkest. Im depressed, always cold, unhappy, depressed and cold. Did I mention that I was cold??

It is the time of year my father died. My nephew died. The holidays. The weather.

My shining light is that Eric is moving here. He wont let me be cold, depressed or unhappy. I look forward to this. He cant take away the passing of my dad or my nephew, but he can make it more tolerable.

Im not sure yet if Im going to be in the mood for Christmas. The kids and I werent last year. Hell, we didnt even put up a tree.

Im in the mood for Thanksgiving. I have things to be thankful for. I am thankful for things every day so a holiday isnt really needed for me. Oh and, Eric will be here 2 days later.

I read things my sister leaves on her MySpace account. It bothers me. It depresses me. I cant relate to loosing a child, however, Justin was like a child to me. He was my 'Little Man'. He was my 5th child. He was my baby. I miss him every single day and there isnt anything I can do to bring him back. My sister cant move forward. I know the reasons why just as well as she does. She and I arent on talking terms. We havent been for a few months now. Once again, I know why.

Im trying to get past the things she says, but its difficult at times. Today was a rough day. I will get better as the day goes on. I will think about Justin a little more than usual today.

Im going to the Dr with Jessica. See how my grandson is cooking.

Have a great day. Hug the ones you love.

Peace out...

11-9-08

2008-11-09T10:35:00.002-06:00

Hi.

My life is changing as I know it.

Thing will never be the same.

I CANT WAIT!!!

Julie and Eric. Eric and Julie.

I know, youre all sick of hearing about us. Too fuckin bad! Im happy for the first time in a very long time, why not share it?

I know he is just as happy as I am, if not a smidge more. Hes like that.

Not too long ago, he found me on the internet, today we are making wedding plans. I know, we arent getting married for a few years but we have started a fund and we are finding things we both like. Things change, I know, but when I have something big going on, I start to make lists and plan. Yeah.....3 years away and Im planning. lol....it is kinda funny.

I have already found a style of wedding cake I like. My girls like it as well. Thats important, ya know. We have picked colors, which will more than likely change a dozen times. We have a date...thats not changing as far as I know. We need to work on where we are getting married. Outside for sure. It will be cool, but not cold nor hot. Thats important. Who wants to be hot for a wedding reception? I would hate for Eric to be too hot for dancing. And hes going to dance. Rene.....youre my cameraman, k?

Eric is moving here in 20 days. TWENTY DAYS!!! No more driving from PA. Hell, he wont ever have to drive. Its going to be a 2 minute walk to my house and thats if there is traffic!

Im excited. I cant wait. No more saying goodbye. No more long drives home that make me worry. No more waiting for him to get here.

We can now start our lives together. This means I may have to start cooking, god forbid. Im not going to do his laundry or clean his house.

Im not worried about getting tired of him or of him being in my 'space'.

I CANT WAIT to be with him forever.

Peace Out...

11-6-08

2008-11-06T13:23:00.002-06:00

Hi.

Its a boy. Curtis Justin Bradley.

We are all too excited. Even though a few of us thought it was a girl and had that hope, we are still more than overjoyed to be having a boy.

We got some cool ass photos of the baby, again. That just tickles me to pieces when they give us photos. I will be working on framing them for Jessica and Brad as Ive done with the other ones.

Its a boy.....

Peace out...

11-4-08

2008-11-04T08:42:00.002-06:00

Hi.

I finally believe my daughter is pregnant. I felt the baby move.

After countless attempts of feeling my grandchild move, today was the day.

Jessica was laying in bed after I got out of the shower and she *quietly* told me to come in the room. I went over to her and she took my hand and placed it over her belly button. A minute or so later I felt a little kick, punch, fart....I dont know, but I felt it.

Finally.

Thursday we find out for sure that its a little girl. I dont know why, but since she told me, Ive had a feeling its a girl. Guess on Thursday we will know if my suspicions are correct. I dont really care which it is. I just want healthy.

Eric and I went to a wedding on Saturday with my kids. We had a blast. What Im a little disappointed in is that we didnt get any video of Eric dancing. Yeah, he was bustin a move. He claims that he had the camera while dancing. Yeah, right. I figure the next wedding, be it mine or my daughters or somebodies, hes getting video taped dancing. Period.

We talked a lot at the wedding about our own wedding. Things we liked and things we liked but would change a little. It was fun dancing with my man and talking about wedding plans.

My girls were dancing queens! I havent ever seen my youngest dance so much. Shes got rhythm. She and Jessica had a great time. Jess was a little disappointed that her belly wouldnt allow her to dance like shes used to, but she had a such a good time.

The ceremony was beautiful. The couple were happy. The reception was a blast. The food was good. The cake was yummy. The kids were happy. Eric and I were very happy. By the end of the night, we were pooped out!

The wedding party was in the same hotel as us. Actually they were across the hall. The party didnt end at the reception. My kids stayed up for a while to 'party' with them. In the morning the kids were telling us how much fun they had after we went to bed.

I can only hope for a wedding with as much fun.

Today we are going to vote. Jessica and I are going here in a little bit. She hasnt had the chance to vote for the President yet. She seems a little excited. At least I hope she is.

Work is work is work. I applied for a job this morning. I love where I work. Its mindless work which tends to bore me. It has busy times but mostly I find myself standing around, waiting. Im used to moving around and keeping busy. The people are nice, its a nice place to work BUT I need more money and more consistent hours. I will keep searching.

Jessica is craving egg salad, so shes making that right now. Eric has been playing with Kadie and having almost too much fun with her. Im chillin'. Im looking forward to the day off but I have a ton to do. Its going to be a beautiful day again today....YAY! We are expecting snow on Friday....BOOOO.

Have a great voting day....Go VOTE!

Peace out...

10-26-08

2008-10-26T17:02:00.004-05:00

Hi.

I said 'Yes' today.

Im going to marry him.

It doesnt matter much that he asked me 15 minutes AFTER I put the ring on. Its ok. It almost makes sense. We are a little weird like that.

He asked me on the courthouse lawn while we were looking at pumpkins. Holding up the 'line'.

I didnt cry. I laughed a little. I kissed him passionately. I told him....Yes. YES! I held him and knew that this is the most amazing feeling. To love and be loved as much as I am. Oh my GOD he loves me.

We dont have a date. We havent picked our 'colors'. We dont have a wedding party. We dont even know where to honeymoon (Italy).

Whats most important is that Im going to spend the rest of my life with a man who will love me unconditionally. Hes going to support me. Hes going to make me laugh and let me be 'stupid'. Hes going to hold my hand every chance he gets. Hes going to treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Hes going to tell me Im beautiful even if I look like shit.

Im happier than Ive ever been before. Im thanking my angel again. I love you, Justin.

I love you, Eric.

I promise to always love you and take care of you. I promise to make you laugh and will let you be a geek on occasion. I promise to support you. I promise to always be there when you need a hug or hear 'I love you'.

Heres a picture of my ring...

Its not a yellow diamond, its actually orange. I saw it in the jewelry shop where I took my grandmas rings to be cleaned and fixed. It was love at first sight.

I have the man of my dreams and now I have the ring that reminds me of that.

Peace out...

10-22-08

2008-10-22T10:55:00.002-05:00

Hi.

I cant stop smiling.

I think the world come come to an end, and I would still be smiling.

Why am I smiling, you ask?

DUH....Eric!

Hes going to be here Friday.

I think its more than that. I have honestly never been this happy before. ME. IM HAPPY! I never EVER wouldve thought I could be this happy. I dont think it really matters much what happens in my life from here on out, I am always going to be happy. Im sure there are going to be bumps in the road and perhaps a bad day about once or twice a month, but overall, Im happy.

Im going to spend the rest of my life with him. (still havent decided if Im letting him move in or not...lol.) He is the most wonderful, caring, loving man Ive ever known.

I love my angel that much more for sending him to me. Thank you, Justin...

Peace out...

10-18-08

2008-10-18T18:01:00.002-05:00

Hi.

So Im not sure that Ive said anything, but for the past 2 weeks or so, my kids and I have been cleaning my grandmas house. Eric has even put in his 2 cents.

My older brother doesnt want the house empty for any amount of time, so my oldest son is moving in.

There were occupants in the house up until about 3 weeks ago and they left the house a mess. They left in a hurry and they said they cleaned. Im still trying to figure out what they cleaned, but thats besides the point.

They left not only a mess, but the left mice. Not sure how many, but its more than one. We are still finding mouse poop all over the place. I have Decon'd the place and we have patched holes. I think its finally under control. What a pain.

We painted the bathroom. It was a beautiful 70's green color and now its a bright yellow. I love yellow. It looks amazing. We also painted a bedroom. Its getting there.

It seems that everyday somebody is over there doing something. I think all thats left is to get a steam cleaner to do the carpets and finish up the kitchen. We are also going to put in a ceiling fan and a new kitchen light. Minor things.

Its weird being in 'grandmas house'. Its almost like shes moving in, not my son.

Travis has always liked the house and he has even talked to my brother about buying it in a few years. That would be cool, I guess. I wont be here in a few years and it will be strange for him to stay somewhere I dont want to be.

Eric is moving out here. Thats still sinking in. Im so excited and scared at the same time. Its a life changing event for him. Not so much me, because Im already here.

To think that this is the start of the rest of our lives. Whoa! I never wouldve thought I would be in this position again. A serious relationship. I gave up on men. Where did he come from?? Regardless of what I wanted in the past, I know this is what I want for my future. And I cant wait!!

Work is going ok. Im not fucking up as much. Maybe only once or twice a day instead of constantly. Which is good.

For some reason, the store manager likes me. He wanted to know if I liked my hours. I told him I would like more. Something more consistent would be nice too. Hes going to work on that. Cool. Cant wait.

Kids are all good. My daughter got her test results back from her heart doctor. Shes got a leaky heart. Not sure what the hell that means, because she talked to the doctor and not me. I need to make a phone call this week to get the scoop. Shes going to be inconvenienced by a yearly heart check for this problem. No biggie. I dont think.

Not much else. Waiting for my man to get here hopefully this week. We have a wedding to go to on the 1st of November. That will be fun.

Ok...All for now. Going to see if the kids want to watch a movie. Eric is on the phone right now with Hailey, my youngest, as her computer crashed. Something about Operating system not found. Whatever that means. (dont try and explain)

I hope everyone has a great weekend, or whats left of it.

Talk soon.

Peace out.....

10-14-08

2008-10-14T13:11:00.002-05:00

HI.

Well, I made it through a very long 7 hr shift. I didnt know 7 hours could feel like 20. Im not used to standing in one spot for so long. Hell, I dont even stand that long when I do dishes. I need to be mobile. Move around a little bit.

I dont know how many times I fucked up, but I know it was too many to count. I was ringing up cilantro when it should have been parsley. Who knows 10 different kinds of lettuce? I DONT! I found myself at points just laughing. Out loud. It was funny and I couldnt help it. I would ask the customer what kind of lettuce it was, and they had no clue. I dont get it. Are they just buying 'what looks good'? People are funny.

For whatever reason, some dumb ass thinks that after 5 hours of training, I should know everything. I warned them that I had forgotten pretty much everything since last Thursday. They figured as much. I dont get it and I dont really care. I did the best I could and I thought I was awesome.

So, when I worked at Target, if I worked an 8 hr shift, I received a 30 minute lunch and two 15 minute breaks. At this place for the 7 hours that I worked, I received two 15 minute breaks. Does this seem right?? It sure didnt seem right to me. When I questioned it, they said thats just the way it is. Who do I call??

I quickly made an observation that people buy a lot of bananas. I swear, 4 out of 5 people that I rang up yesterday were buying bananas. Are they that good for you??

Bottom line.....is this job going to work out for me? Probably not. Im searching, again.

Eric, Eric, Eric.

Daily, I ask myself why I love him so much. My answer is.....I just do. I came to realize that my life wouldnt be complete without him. He drives me crazy with all the weird little things that he does.

For instance...

His blog about the TV. 500 channels that he doent miss flipping through. If you dont like flipping through them, then why do you have so many? I know, I will never understand. Its a guy thing to have every damn channel on a TV that is bigger than a car.

He left to go home a few days ago and I miss him so very much. Im not complete without him here. Ive become a slug. I feel depressed and lonely.

There is something about him that makes me a better person. Im happy when Im with him. Its crazy to me how much he loves me. His love for me is.... I dont know what to say.

I miss my sappy man. *sigh*

Thats all I got for now. Im still going to post that photo of Trav in his new 'jacket'. Give me an ounce of patience on that one.

Peace Out.....

10-12-08

2008-10-12T12:41:00.002-05:00

Hi.

It seems like its been a long time since Ive been here, but it really hasnt. Its amazing how much time I have now that Im not tired and not working.

Work.

I have my first *real* day tomorrow. Im sure its not going to be great seeing as I dont really know what the hell Im doing. I was trained. Ive got the idea of what Im supposed to do. I also left that training day with a horrible headache from so much useless information. I hate days like those.

When I grocery shop, and I hate shopping, I want the checkout process to be quick and painless. Im doing the checking tomorrow and I can guarantee things arent going to be quick and painless. I expect to fuck up a lot. I hope they are ready for that.

I was trained on Thursday and Ive been off ever since. Hell, I dont think Ive even been to the store since then. Should be an interesting day tomorrow.

Im still looking for a job. I need full time. I need consistency. I dont have either with this job. I like my weekends off. If I have to work them every once in a while, fine. But every weekend?? I dont think so. I suppose Ive been spoiled a bit.

I had a few of my friends from Target over on Friday night. It was a movie night. They miss me as I miss them. It was so routine there and I miss that. I miss the 'your mom' jokes. I miss the stupid laughter. I dont miss the bullshit. One outweighs the other by a lot. I happier away from there. Period.

Eric has gone home and things are quiet here. My daughter even said it was weird without him around. I was able to keep a fairly clean house and even cook for him once or twice. (I REALLY hate cooking.)

He will be back in approximately 10 days. Hopefully this time for good. There is a job for him here, somewhere. My life is incomplete without him here. Thats my sap for the day!

On a positive note, I got him to retire the blue blazer/suit coat/grampa jacket. He was packing his car and he handed it over to me. I was like....WTF??? It made it to my living room, where my oldest son saw it and put it on. Hes like, "Cool coat. This is like a winter jacket, Mom." He put it on, and realized that he was really, really warm in it. So hes keeping it. OMG!!! I cant get rid of the damn thing.

Now, my son. 6' 6". 150 lbs soaking wet. Im going to insert photo below this when he gets home today, with the jacket on.

I could be wrong, but Im pretty sure that Eric and Travis arent the same size.

My daughter is doing well. We are all starting to get anxious to find out if shes having a boy or girl. I believe we find out on October 21st. I still say girl.

She has changed the girls name from Sarah Lexie to Klara Lexie. Klara was my other grandmas name. She died long before any of my kids were born so they didnt know her.

Jessica and I were digging through my cedar chest and we came across a book that was my grandmas. On the inside was written.... Klara Sophia Johannson. Jessica liked the name and spelling, so shes using it. I wish she would use the Spohia as well. eh, Oh well. For a second, Jessica wanted to name the girl Klara Sarah. I had to step in on that choice. I will update when we know the sex.

Im awesome. Im happy. Im rested. Im stress free. Im in love. What more is there?

All for now. I will post again when I have something to say. So much for everyday, huh? Oh well. Life changes everyday, so who knows what youre going to get.

Have a great week.

Peace Out....

10-6-08

2008-10-06T08:44:00.002-05:00

It was great to sleep in today.

It was amazing to see my kids this morning.

It was even MORE amazing to wake up in Erics arms.

Peace Out....

10-4-08

2008-10-04T11:50:00.002-05:00

HI!

Im still alive and kicking. Sorry if Ive been missed. Have I been missed??

Anyway...

As some of you already know, I have a new job. Its not my idea of an ideal job, but its not Target and I dont have to wake up at 230am anymore! Thats huge for me.

On September 23rd, I was given my 30 day notice. I could 'fix' all my problems or get fired in 30 days. I have to laugh because my 'problems' are rather funny. Heres a sample....

Send daily e-mail......CHECK
Communicate before I leave.......CHECK CHECK
Prevent my employees from calling in sick.....UM, ok.
Keep a door locked 24 hrs a day that about 12-15 people have a key to.....UM, ok.
Recognize top performers......Taking team members out for breakfast apparently doesnt count.

So at my 30 day notice, I stepped up my search. Searching high and low looking for anything. It got to the point I was sending out a few resumes a day. When you dont hear back, its frustrating. I can only imagine how Eric is feeling. (love you, honey)

I got a Sunday night phone call from a grocery store 2 minutes from my house. We talked for a while and set up an interview for the next day.

When I got there, we talked a lot. A lot about Target as he had never sat across from a Target employee. Weird, but ok. He wanted to understand the Target way of thinking. I didnt expect to have my brain picked during an interview. I answered his questions the best I could. I hope he got something out of it as I thought it was....weird.

I took a 50 question test asking me about my Crack addiction and whether or not I am a thief. When was the last time I worked while on Crack? How often do you smoke Crack? Would I steal money from my job? If I found money on the ground next to an armoured truck, would I return it? I couldnt help but laugh at the questions. The test was supposed to take me 20 minutes to answer. It took me 10. When he came to pick it up and 'grade' it, I was still smirking.

He came back a few minutes later and told me that I scored really, really well on the 'test'. I said, 'Well, thats good.' Then he told me again that I scored really well. Not hard to score well on a test when youre not on Crack, duh.

He offered me the position.

Part time.

Cashier.

$8 an hour.

What the hell am I thinking??

The positive side of things is that I never have to wake up at 230am again. There is an awesome possibility for quick promotion. The COMPANY pays for insurance. I can walk to work.

I know that things are going to be a shocking change for me making almost $6 an hour less. My kids understand this. Eric understands.

I will be ok.

When I got home, I let out the biggest sigh of relief. There was a weight lifted. Im going to be ok, and I know it.

No more Jeff. No more Ryan. No more Target politics. No more bullshit.

I put in my 2 day notice the next day. The HR was a bitch. It was an inconvenience for her to look up the phone number for my 401K. She was very quick to give me my termination papers and then asked if she could post my position that day. I simply said, 'I dont give a fuck what you do'.

I told a few people that I was leaving. The important people.

On Friday, I was asked to leave the store around 7am because I was laughing with my team. I was told if I was done, I could leave. I laughed in Ryans face and told him I was staying til my shift ended at 930. Whats he going to do, fire me?

I received a cake made by one of my team members that resembled Dale Jrs car. It was awesome. It was difficult to chop it up, but I finally did late that night after everyone had seen it. Of course Eric took photos.

One last thing before I left the store, was to toss a glass of confetti that I had been saving for the perfect occasion. One hand full was thrown at a fellow employee who was laughing her ass off. The rest of it was thrown across the entire team lead office. There was confetti everywhere.

The guy that I taxi to and from work was speechless. On the way home all he could say over and over was, 'Whos going to clean it up' and 'I wish I could have heard the chatter on the walkie'. He was pretty impressed, as was I. Today, Saturday, Im bummed that I didnt get some sort of photo of the event. I wish I couldve even sat for a minute and enjoyed my fun.

Oh well.

I did get a comment on Facebook from an employee giving me a WTG. Im sure in the near future, I will hear about it from friends. I cant wait.

Was it childish to throw the confetti? Should I have left quietly?

FUCK NO!!!

Peace out.....

9-21-08

2008-09-21T20:01:00.002-05:00

Happy 41st Birthday to ME!

I had the most amazing weekend with Eric. We went to Lake Geneva, WI. It was relaxing, quiet, romantic and just US!

Im not going into details, but I will say....it was amazing!

How many of you are getting tired of all this Eric and Julie talk? lol....too bad!

Thanks for all the Facebook birthday wishes. I will write more in the next day or so.

Peace out...

9-14-08

2008-09-08T07:04:00.003-05:00

Hi...

I started to write about the race, and for whatever reason, I stopped writing. If I had to guess, my computer was being an asshole.

We had a great time. I have some great photos, great memories and a little bit more of a tan. My girlfriend was crispy, but she had a great time. Maybe next year she will listen to me when I tell her that shes getting red. Then again, sometimes we just dont care how crisp we get. Its a memory of a great time.

The people that we tailgate with wanted a head count for next years tickets. Last year they asked if we wanted in with them so we could all sit together. I called up Eric and asked if he wanted to go. It was a quick YES! Its going to be weird having him there. I worry that he wont like it. He will say something like, 'as long as im with julie.....'. Thats SOOOO Eric. Anyway, we have tickets for next year lined up. Ive already paid for mine so thats something else I wont have to worry about.

Eric will be here tomorrow. Ive missed him. I think its been two weeks since he left. Seems so much longer.

We have our little routine. We pretty much do the same thing every day and after he left, it left me a little lost. I look forward to picking up where we left off.

We have plans to go to Lake Geneva, WI for a birthday thing. Our birthdays are a week apart and even though neither one of us 'want' anything, we wanted to go somewhere and just spend some quality time together. We are getting good at doing that.

All is well on the home front. My daughter is doing well and getting fatt! I think that baby is going to come out weighing 15 lbs!! She has a doctors appointment this week. I dont think its the ultrasound sex check one, just a check up one. If it IS the sex check one, I will be sure to update the second I get home. We know its a girl....LORD LET IT BE A GIRL!!!!

I know how its going to work. Everyone wants a girl except 'dad'. Of course he wants a boy. So with so much praying for a girl going on....its sure to be a boy. I dont care. What I care for is a healthy, fat, crying baby. Its going to be spoiled regardless of sex, just let it be healthy.

So, its been raining here for 2 days straight. Thanks to the hurricanes hitting the southern states. I love it. The rain, that is. Its green again!! What isnt cool is the flooding. Its not horrible, yet. The river is up. Way up. Its not like the Mississippi River...lol. Far from it. Its more of an annoyance when it floods. A street or two may be closed. No biggie.

I mentioned once before that I dont have to worry about flooding because Im at the top of the hill. Well....when I say hill, I mean that my house is at the highest point of the subdivision. Its, ummm, not really a hill. Its more like a slight incline. Hmmm....OK, let me put it this way. If I put a marble on the road, its going to roll down. lol. Its going to be a slow roll, but it rolls none the less.

I know Eric talked of his birthday on his blog. He didnt want to hear the comments. I respect that.

To me, my birthday is just another day. My kids always want to do something for me. They ask me what I want, and the answer every year is...You dont have to get me anything. This year, my oldest came up with a great idea. While I was gone for the race weekend, they painted my bathroom. Put a new shower curtain in. Added a chair rail as trim. Put some flowers in there. Fixed the broken toilet paper roll holder thingy, and a few other things. It was amazing. They did a great job and it was a wonderful surprise. I told them Im going away for the weekends more often. (i hope with leftover paint they do the downstairs bathroom while im in wisconsin with eric)

Eric said that his 40th birthday would bring good things. On my 40th birthday I wanted something to happen as well. It has happened.

This was my wish....

Lose some weight.
Find a date to a wedding this November.
Try and eat healthier.

CHECK
CHECK
CHECK

I lost weight. 2o lbs so far.
I not only found a date to the wedding, I found the love of my life. Who knew?
I gave up red meat and I am eating healthier....so is Eric. Well, not the red meat part.

Life is great. Im happy. My kids are happy.

What else is there?? I suppose there is another 20 lbs to lose. A lifetime of Eric. The struggle to pass up a juicy, thick, tasty, bacon cheese burger. I can deal with that.

I dont have any wishes for my 41st birthday. I dont want to ask for too much and jinx it. I have everything I want right now. The only exception would be a new job, but thats coming.

Sometime next week there will be a special dinner with Eric and the kids. A birthday cake without chocolate. A visit to the cemetery. Happy Birthday sung 3 times as its my oldest daughters birthday as well. Its going to be a great 3 weeks with Eric. I cant wait....

My wish....

He doesnt leave.

Peace out.....

9-4-08

2008-09-04T19:32:00.002-05:00

OK....so I wanted to post some pictures, and I guess they arent on my computer. If they are, I cant find them.

The last time, which was a few days ago, I tried putting photos onto my computer, I fucked everything up and thought I lost them all. I have lost photos before and when I thought I did it again, I got pissed off. Eric fixed it, but now I cant find anything. He swears that I have them all, and I have to trust him. I just cant find them. Where is he when I need him?

Hes been gone 2 days and it seems like a lot longer. I talk to him every few hours so hes never far. Im sure I could call him right now and find those pictures with a little guidance. It will just have to wait til the next blog.

All is well in my house. I made spaghetti with turkey meat tonight. Kids didnt even know it until I told them. They are easy when it comes to food. They will eat anything as long as it tastes good, and it was good. Leftover spaghetti is one of the few leftovers I will eat. Cant wait til lunch tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, Im off to another race. This time it is the ARCA series and the last race for the IRL (Indy Racing League)(Dario Franchitti, Mario Andretti....Danica Patrick?) Those little race cars zoom around the track at around 220 mph. Its amazing!!! The crashes are a sight as well. They actually fly. Last year there was a car that caught wind and flew upside down before crashing into a wall. The driver was ok, walked away from it.

Anyway....

We are getting the rain from Gustav. I think it hasnt stopped raining since around 4am. I was at work last night and I cant really be sure what time it actually started, but I do know it was raining at 4am. Its been nice and steady. More than likely there will be some kind of flooding if it keeps up throughout the night. Im at the top of the hill, so dont worry.

Fall is fast approaching. Im not ready for it. It seems like summer is just shorter and shorter each year. It sucks. Eric and I are moving south in 2 years. I need more than 3 months of summer each year.

Im still looking for a new job. I talked to our HR and she told me that I cant transfer anywhere because of my performance. I laughed. I work my ass off every day. I show up 5 minutes early to every shift. I dont believe in calling in when sick. I can go on. Its just funny to me because the people that fuck around at work, call in, call off and basically suck at their job have no problems transferring. I do believe, they have finally broken me.

I wish I didnt have to work. I think I might be bored, then I think again. There is so much that goes on with my kids, I wouldnt have time to be bored. Im always doing laundry, cleaning something, taking them somewhere or playing some kind of game with them that my day goes really fast. Its those people that NONE of this happens to that win the lottery.

I will continue to hate my job until I find a new one. At that point, I may just call off and go see my boyfriend...

Well, I suppose I will clean up after dinner and then call Eric.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Peace out...

9-1-08

2008-09-01T19:22:00.002-05:00

Yet another great day.

I had to work until 1pm, no biggie. Eric came and saw me at work, which made me smile from ear to ear.

After work, we had an early dinner and went to a movie.

Hes leaving tomorrow. I dont want him to leave. Ive gotten so used to him being around, that I think this time its going to be hard for me.

A relationship people had doubts about, including me, had blossomed into something amazing. Who knew?

He has managed to make me smile. He has managed to make me feel wanted. He has almost convinced me that Im beautiful. He makes me laugh. He loves me like no other has ever loved me before.

I thank God for him every day. At this point, I cant imagine life without him.

Now to put the horse back before the cart. Im not jumping into anything. Hes not moving in. We arent getting engaged. I have found this beautiful orange diamond that he could buy me.

Im going to miss him, but hes told me that hes going to be back for my birthday in a few weeks. Im sure he will be here. 3 weeks. omg. That seems like such a long time.

I love you Eric with all my heart. Ive told you this. Thank you for being here. Thank you for loving me as much as you do. Without you, life wouldnt be complete.

Peace out....

8-30-08

2008-08-30T20:51:00.002-05:00

Hi Deee Ho...

What a wonderful day with my love.

We went for breakfast then back to my house. We couldnt decide what to do. Then, like a light bulb, it came to me. Lets go to the Zoo! Its becoming 'our' thing. Museums and Zoos. Weird. Kinda like us!!

Well, that was a short lived idea after I told my hormonal pregnant daughter. She flipped and told me that I dont spend any time with her anymore. Jeeeeez! I think I would spend plenty of time home with her if she were actually home!

ANYWAY....

We axed the zoo idea after telling her that we would go to the zoo on Sunday, with her and the boyfriend, and decided to go antiquing. I love to hit the antique stores. You just never know what youre going to find.

Eric printed up a list of stores around the area. Some I knew of, some I didnt. I crossed out the ones that 'didnt count' and off we went. Creston. Maybe 100 people live there. They have a great antique store though. I ended up with another grater and 3 plates. (I collect graters....like cheese and other)

Then we went to Maple Park. Maybe 300 people live there. Gotta love old country towns in the middle of nowhere. This antique store, if that what you want to call it, is at somebodys home. She has a huge barn and a few smaller buildings. The temperatures in these buildings range from a normal outdoor temperature to a that of a sauna. Along with the psycho miniature horse running around, the chickens, a lazy goat, a few horses, and a dog, I ended up with an old apothecary drawer. She knocked the price down from $25 to $17. Deal! OH...and as I was checking out, she had freshly baked cookies near the register. Some fabulous concoction of dark chocolate, frosting and a hidden cherry. Damn, they were good. Eric, being allergic to chocolate, gave me his. AWWWWW...

Off to St. Charles. Wonderful town. Perhaps 30 thousand or so. Hard to tell. St Charles is like a distant suburb of Chicago, so all the towns melt together. We hit up a few stores there. Kinda pricey, but still cool to go through. I dont think I got anything there.

After a bit of shopping, we hit the road to nowhere. We had no place to be, no kids to worry about, and time didnt mean shit. While driving, we stopped and played a round of mini golf. He kicked my ass. We had a bet, a wonderful bet....I will keep it to myself. Lets just say, everyone will be a winner in the end. :)

A Sonic opened up in a nearby town this past week. It is now the closest one to us. The next closest one is 100 miles away. We lost our directions, somehow, and just winged it. Amazingly we found the place with no help. Still not sure how we did that. We pulled up and it was so busy, they were using part of the Walmart parking lot as theirs. There were so many cars, they had to direct traffic. Once in 'line' we were told the wait was 40 min for any kind of food. Fuck that!

Instead of Sonic, we went to the rocking chair store....aka Cracker Barrel. Eric had never eaten there. Yeah, I was surprised too. I think that man has eaten everywhere at least once. The meal was amazing.

A 40 minute drive home with the setting sun. It was pretty. We arrived home and my dog was a tad bit happy to see us. We grabbed her zippy leash and off we went. Shes now crashed in the living room.

I got the mail after the walk, and my ring that I bought the first time in Pittsburgh had finally arrived. They didnt have the size I needed in the store, so they had to special order it from Ireland. It took longer than expected. Its a beautiful silver and pearl ring with the trinity symbol on both sides. I bought the necklace, which I loved as well. I cant seem to take it off as Im such a sucker for pearls. Set complete....for the most part. Eric bought me earrings to match, which I love. Hes so damn good to me.

Its been another great day with Eric. I love him.

We have so much fun together. We laugh. A lot! We are a goofy pair, but in a good way. We dont argue. We dont fight. We are able to talk about things openly. He is a perfect match for me. I thank God everyday that he found me. I thank God that he has the patience I dont have. I thank God he understands me.

Sap mode, off.

All for now. We are going to the Zoo tomorrow. I need to go take care of our bet and get to bed. I hope everyone is having just as much fun this weekend as we are.

Peace out....

8-26-08

2008-08-26T20:52:00.002-05:00

Well hello there....

I bought corn on the cob, freshly picked off the stalk today....green beans, freshly picked off the vine today....potatoes, dug from the black dirt today....marinated some chicken. MMMmmm.

I bought some charcoal and lighter fluid because my brother tried to grill corn and turn it into POPcorn. Cooked it on the grill for 4 hours. (This is what happens when I go to Pittsburgh for a few days) Um, it didnt work.

Had all the kids around for all of 30 minutes, then like a fart, they were gone. Yeah, I could still smell 'em.

My delicious meal was postponed until tomorrow. Damn!

Eric and I had a little alone time, and spent it wisely. Went and got some chow. Kids are slowly but surely coming home.

The silence was wonderful.

Eric is going to stay here until next Tuesday. It will be 2 1/2 weeks together, and I havent wanted to kill him yet. He has had a few 'moments', but for the most part, this has been amazing.

'Move in' amazing? Hold your horses, Charlie. Im nowhere near ready for that step. I have nothing but time. He has nothing but time. Im not going anywhere and I know hes not either.

Ive got nothing new from yesterday.

Kids had their first full day today. My youngest has her eye on some boy. She also brought home paperwork for her drivers permit. OMG! My baby, driving. Scarrrrry!!!

The weather here has been cold as hell. It feels a lot like October. Im not ready for summer to be over. Seems like it just started. Why is this always the shortest season? I need to move south...

Im going to go play with my PSP for a little while. Eric has one and I played with it a little bit while I was there. This was my excuse to finally get one and retire the old school Gameboy. When my boys arent playing Madden 09, I find a few minutes and unwind.

Have a great night.

Peace out....

8-28-08

2008-08-25T19:22:00.002-05:00

Ok, I just erased.

Its been a while since Ive done that. It felt good!

It is Monday. I had only one person on my team of 3 today. My asshole boss was being bossy. I found out Im getting a new boss whom I dislike even more than my current one. It didnt get over 70 degrees today. I hate the cold. My tire looks flat. Im tired. The dishes I washed about an hour ago have reappeared. Damn!

Eric is still here. I applied for 2 jobs today. My daughter cleaned up the house. School started. We got a lot of work done today. Eric surprised me at work with a sweet tea from McD's. My son is staying here. My kids are happy. Eric makes me happy. I am loved.

Peace out....

8-22-08

2008-08-22T15:05:00.002-05:00

Hi...

I sit here blogging while my boyfriend is groping me. Its an interesting predicament Im in. Im loving it though....lol. He laughs.

Hailey and I had a wonderful time in Pittsburgh. She had her moments, but in the end, a great time was had by all. Her favorite part was the plane ride. For me, it was the worst. By the time I got to Erics home, I had been up about 25 hours. I was a tired mess, but it was still great to see him.

Im not going to go into details of everything we did. Pretty much the same as last time I was there. I had so much fun the first time, I wanted to do it all again. We did hit the zoo, and it was ok. Weird zoo. Typically zoos are a free for all, but this zoo was a pathway everyone followed. We were with the same screaming kids the whole way through the zoo. I do not like screaming kids.

Speaking of kids....I had the honor of going to my daughters first doctors appointment. She had an ultrasound done and I got to see my Grand'daughter'. Yes, I think its a girl. I hope it is, at least. So the baby is 4 1/2 cm long and it amazed me how clearly we could see fingers and toes. I need to upload a photo and share it. Its just amazing. Due date had been bumped up to March 10th.

Eric is here. *sigh* I love him. This is the longest we have been together. So far, its like water down a stream.....smooth. I like that.

We had a wonderful drive back to IL. To me, it seemed that it went quick. When we pulled up in my driveway, I wanted to be back in Pittsburgh. I do not like living here. Pittsburgh isnt that bad. Im kinda getting to know my way around. I think I could make it to the local Target, but dont test me.

This weekend is going to be a little busy for us. We are going to our local festival tomorrow night. Typically it is downtown, but this year they decided to do it at the airport. Im not too sure how much fun that is going to be. Everyone here is used to it being downtown. There are many businesses that are protesting it being at the airport. Less business for them. I cant blame them.

Sunday we are going to Chicago with some of my kids. Im not sure which ones yet. They keep changing their minds. We are going to the Museum of Science and Industry. Always a great place to go with the kids. Eric is looking forward to it, as am I.

I hate my job. Anybody out there hiring? Yeah, Eric needs a job too. We are dependable, hard working, loyal, and very trustworthy. I will add that I like to have fun at work. Eric wants to add that he will keep his hands off me...mostly. lol. freak

I need to get off this damn thing. I have errands to run and Eric has been trying to....no wait....he HAS been distracting me to get me off this thing. He has other things in mind, no such luck sweetheart. Later.

Thanks to everyone for such nice comments on Erics blog. I do love him. No pulse checks needed. He is most amazing to me and Im so very thankful that he found me. Hes grinning from ear to friggen ear right now. He knows I love him.

Peace out....

Nicole....move on please.

8-12-08

2008-08-12T20:40:00.002-05:00

I just realized that I didnt finish my trip. I didnt get to tell you what exciting things happened to me on my last day in Pittsburgh....

Eric and I got up early and went shopping, again. Exciting, huh. My goal was to get some cute bracelets while I was there. I found some. I bought some Brighton jewelery. If you dont know it, look it up. Its very 'me'. So I got a few bracelets for me and then one each for my girls. It was fun shopping for them. Then we went to the COACH store. I walked in and told the girls that I wasnt going to buy anything, but I just HAD to look. Luckily, they didnt have anything that I had to have. Im very purse picky.

After shopping we went to the Phipps Conservatory. It was beautiful! We got in on a free day, which always makes things better. We walked around and enjoyed each others company. They were also having some 'thing' going on with chocolate. Eric, being allergic, meant I got his. That was exciting!

While we were there, my daughter called and asked me how the weather was. Weird. I told her it was sunny, warm, beautiful. The proceeded to tell me that it had been raining in Chicago all night and day. Wonderful. She was able to pull up my flight and tell me that everything was still on time, and I was good to go. Man if I had only looked in my crystal ball that day....

Eric and I decided to head towards the airport after we had some lunch. Lunch was amazing. He took me to an Italian restaurant and I got my favorite. Chicken Parmesan. It was amazing! I almost couldnt believe how much I ate, but I couldnt help it...lol.

We stopped at a mall near the airport because we had time to kill. We walked around window shopping. That is until I spotted 'it'. A Dale Jr jersey for my dog. I had to have it. We made our way down to the kiosk and I snagged a size small for my Kadie. The damn thing was $30, but I didnt care. My dog had to show her support. I went to pay, and the very nice lady told me the jerseys were 75% off!!! Holy Shit. I could have bought 2!! (Kadie loves her Jersey. Will post a photo soon)

Off to the airport. We sat in a little cafe and talked for a few minutes before I had to leave. We made a decision that instead of him coming to see me in 2 weeks, I would come see him and we would drive back together. Yay!!

I got through inspection, with my love watching me the whole time. One last kiss and wave goodbye. I will see him in 2 weeks.

I got to my terminal no problem. Sat, read my People magazine, chilled. My plane never showed up. I should have figured something was 'up'. We had to board a different plane a few terminals down. No biggie. We get on the plane at 730pm, taxied out, then sat. WTF! We ended up having to sit at the end of the runway for close to 3 hours. The weather in Chicago was THAT bad.

I was on the phone with Eric and my daughter. There were tornadoes going through the area. Horrible winds and rain. Ohare airport was closed for business. I was at the end of the runway with around 120 other pissed off people and all I was thinking was....I had to be at work at 4am. Shit! I called the girl that was picking me up, she works for me, and told her not to leave til I called her. She had no problem with that because she then went on to tell me about the weather.

They served us drinks....um, duh, and popped a movie in. I was texting Eric and getting updates. He so badly wanted to come pick me up, but couldnt. It pisses me off to this day that they couldnt just let us sit in the terminal. At least we would have been comfortable.

Finally, we got the window to fly. Coming into Chicago was interesting. As we were flying over the city, the lightening was striking all over the place. It was cool, but scary. We were coming down the runway and I swear to God we werent stopping. They guy next to me even made a comment on how long we were 'stopping' for. We taxied around for a while, not going anywhere near a terminal. They parked us in the 'Penalty Box'. Yeah, who knew there was a penalty box for airplanes. Once again, we sat. They couldnt let us off the plane because the lightening was too close. We had to wait for the storm to pass so the ground crew could bring us in.

After sitting in the 'box' for an hour, we were moving again. This time to someplace so far away from the airport, we couldnt see the airport. The problem now was that because so many flights had been cancelled, they didnt have an empty terminal to park us at. We now had to wait for some flights to take off and snag a terminal. This took another 45 minutes.

Meanwhile, my ride was sitting at an oasis waiting for my phone call. She had to be at work the same time as me, so I couldnt really call off. Sleep on the plane? Yeah, no. Lights all on, 120 people, had to pee....sleep was the last thing on my mind.

Finally, we parked. Got off the plane. Before getting off the plane, they gave us a website to go to and get a $25 voucher towards our next flight. Yay.

It was weird passing so many people in the airport at 130am. They were in lines for customer service. They were sleeping in chairs. In window sills. On the floor. It was crazy.

I got outside and my ride pulled up. She was a little tired, but no more than me. An hour later, I was home. I got inside, got kisses from my dog, kiss from my daughter and then I hit the shower. I had to get ready for work.

Work sucked that day. I fell asleep on my desk at lunchtime, but somehow I made it through. I got home, did some laundry and went to bed early.

I had the most amazing time in Pittsburgh. I dont really care about my trip home. The time spent with Eric way made up for it. We had a great time.

Here I am, on Tuesday night just two days before I fly out to see him again.

This time, Im taking my youngest daughter with me. I asked my other kids what they thought of her going with me, and they were all for it. They said she needs to get out more. It will be good for her to get away from her computer for a few days. She may reconnect with the real world.

We have so many plans....which include going back to Kennywood. You guessed it, Im going on the Thunderbolt at least 2 times!!! Eric is so looking forward to us coming out. He fixed up his front porch so I can sit out there. He painted, put a rug down and is going to drag out his chairs. I love it out there. Great view. Its such a busy intersection and there is so much to watch.

We are also going to visit a few more museums. Go to a ball game. Visit his mom.

Tuesday we are driving back to my house. Hes going to be out here for.....um....I have no idea how long hes staying. Doesnt matter. This will be our longest time together. It seems that every trip gets longer and longer.

Im excited to see him. I miss him. I need a hug.

Things at work arent going well. My boss is being an asshole, again. The fucker wrote me up for not keeping a door locked after I leave the store. Now, how in the sam hell am I supposed to keep a door locked after I leave the store??? If I had the only key I would understand, but there are many keys to this room floating around AND it has a computer in there that people need to use quite often. Hes a dick. He gets off on this shit. I dont care.

I have Eric. I have my kids. I am happy. Who needs a job....lol.

All for now. I need to do something, like sleep, maybe.

Im off to Pittsburgh in 48 hours. I wont bore you next time with our day to day activities. I will blog from there so you will hear from me soon.

Have a great weekend...be safe

Peace Out....

8-6-08

2008-08-06T19:01:00.002-05:00

On to Sunday....

OK, so we were up early again. 730ish, if I remember correctly. Eric took me to breakfast at Pamelas. It was pretty amazing. Afterwards we decided to go to Shadyside for some shopping. Unfortunately the stores didnt open until 11 or 12, and we were there around 10. We spotted a few we wanted to go in, and made a mental note.

No shopping turned into going to the Heinz History Museum. We were only going to the gift shop, but decided to check out the place. They had a real cool display of glass. Eric would want me to note that glass was the first major export of Pittsburgh...I think. They also had a decent sports museum within. We wandered around for a few hours. We also checked out the gift shop. I was looking for anything 'pickle'. My oldest daughters nickname has been pickle since she was around 3 months old. Honestly, I think she could live on the things. I was able to get her a few pickle pencils, a whistle and even a cookie cutter. They had an ornament which was cool, but it was $25. Yeah, no. She does already have 2 pickle ornaments, both of which were much cheaper than what they were asking.

After the museum, we headed out to see Erics Mom. It was a long drive, and because I didnt sleep well, I slept most of the way. Upon arriving, they were putting her to bed. Eric was able to stop them and we had a chance to visit. I met...'The Mom'. One of the first things she said to me was, 'I didnt think you were going to come see me'. I had to laugh a little. Shortly after that, she asked me if I liked her son. That did make me laugh. Eric made a comment that I will like him until I get tired of him. I assured her that when I did get sick of him, I was going to drop him off there, with her. She liked that.

After a while, she wanted to go outside, so, we took her outside. It was a beautiful day and the back patio was nice and shaded. We were outside for about 5 minutes or so and Erics brother Dan and his wife Grace came outside. They stopped dead in their tracks, with mouths ajar. They were a little shocked to see me. We were introduced and it didnt take long for us to start chatting. It seemed that they liked me. At least I hope they did. We stayed and visited for a few hours. It was great to meet part of his family.

After seeing his mom, we went to Primanti Brothers. That was an experience. I didnt like the slaw, but the sammich was great. After a stop at the local Target, we went back to his place for a few minutes. Off to Tims house. This is Erics best friend and lives a block or so away. We went for a short visit and stayed for a few hours. I saw his car, a Scion. Hes got it all decked out. We lit some tiki torches and enjoyed the night.

We went home, talked for a little while, then went to bed. It was a perfect day. I met friends and family. I think his mom liked me. From what I understand, shes a tough cookie. No woman is good enough for her son. I hope I made a lasting impression.

My trip is almost over....even though Im home now. Typing it makes it seem like it went so fast, but it really didnt. I keep saying what a great time I had. We had fun. No responsibilities. No kids. No pets. Nobody there except Eric and me. It was awesome.

All for today. I will finish up tomorrow at some point.

Peace Out....

8-5-08

2008-08-05T20:11:00.002-05:00

Im home. Had a pretty shitty flight home. More about that another day. Hopefully when Im not so tired.

Im going to start where I left off....

Saturday in Pittsburgh...

We got up early. I mean early to Eric is like 9....we were up 630 or 7. We got ready and walked over to the small bakery near his home. It was amazing! Very nice people in there as well.

Every morning while Eric was getting ready, I was sitting on the front porch watching traffic. I loved his porch. It was a great way to start my morning. There were so many cars whipping around the corner in front of his house. I think I was waiting for an accident. Didnt happen. Oh, and why do they put a stop sign up if you dont have to stop? Weird! Here is a big ole red stop sign and under it, it says, 'right turns dont need to stop'. WTF! If you saw this corner, everyone should have to stop. Im sure Eric has a photo of this intersection somewhere in his collection.

After watching traffic and getting ready, we took a drive to the 'Strip district' in search of 'shops'. All I found was food. Oh, and a place that sold fresh duckling. Why in the hell would you want a duckling? Do you eat them? Do you make stew? On second thought, I dont want to know. No shops, but it was a bustling place, none the less. A huge farmers market. Provided you could find parking, its a great place to go.

After driving around, and stopping for a sweet tea from McDonalds, Eric took me to PNC park. It was pretty cool. Beautiful views of the city. We tried to go to the souvenir shop, but they werent open yet. Instead, we went to the Carnegie Science Center. The Declaration of Independence was there, closely guarded by two of Pittsburghs finest. Im not sure what copy it was, but it wasnt signed. I was a little disappointed by that. What the hell though, I saw this important part of American History and it was cool as shit! We spent a few hours at the museum goofing around and enjoying each others company. We also saw the submarine they have there. Besides being very cramped, it was damn cool. Enjoyed that a lot. After the science center, we went back to the souvenir shop and got things for my kids. All of which they loved.

From there, Eric drove up to the top of Mt Washington and stopped at one of the overlooks to take photos. OMG, it was amazing. It is such a beautiful city from up there. From there, we drove back down to Station Square and wandered around. Had lunch at the Hard Rock, which was awesome and did a little more shopping. We took the incline up to the top of Mt Washington and took even more photos. Northern Illinois has nothing like that.....unless you count the Sears tower, and well, that just doesnt count.

After going up and down the incline, I spotted what they called 'a subway' car. It was no such thing. We agreed that it was more like a trolley. So we rode it across the river and back. The destination was to go to Point State Park, but because of the wind, the fountain was turned off. So we took a few photos and headed back.

We came home around 530ish to relax and put our feet up. Then around 7 or so, we went to Dave and Andys for ice cream. Eric has talked about this quite a bit, so I was anxious to check it out. I got the most amazing ice cream I think Ive ever had.....coconut with toasted almonds blended in. It was like eating coconut cream pie. It was damn good. Not good for the diet, but after all the walking we had done in the past two days, I could justify.

After eating ice cream, Eric wanted to take me for a drive. We saw everything!!! We drove up one side of the river and down the other. We were out and about for well over an hour. It was so pretty. I really do like the city. Im not sure I could drive around without getting lost, but it is still an amazing place to visit.

We got home, and crashed. The last thing Eric said was.....lets see who can fall asleep first. He won. I didnt have a very good nights sleep that night. He has the hardest damn bed Ive ever been on. He kept trying to convince me it was good for my back. Well, when you cant get comfortable, its not good. He slept like a baby, snoring the whole night.

It was another action packed day for us in Pittsburgh. It sure seems like we are forgetting something. We did so much. Walked a lot. Talked a lot. It was wonderful. I love this man.

I think tomorrow Im going to book my flight to go back out in 2 weeks. We have museums to still see...

All for now. Will post what happened on Sunday, tomorrow.

Peace Out...

8-3-08

2008-08-03T22:03:00.002-05:00

Hi....This is what we have accomplished in the past 3 days. I will write again in a day or so so I can write about our last day together.

Friday....

Plane was an hour delayed because we didnt have a pilot. I didnt mind waiting, really.
Got into Pittsburgh around 1230 and went to Quaker Steak and Lube. It was amazing. Went to Oakland and wandered around a few shops. Went to the Art Museum and because we snuck in and didnt pay, didnt hang out there long. Went to the Cathedral of Learning 36th floor to make out and check out the view. While there we checked out Nationality rooms. Way cool!! Eric found a piece of chalk, and well, I left notes on a few chalkboards. Went to the Fine Arts building. Came home and chilled for a bit. When I say a bit, I mean about 30 minutes. We went to Kennywood around 630 and got in as Senior Citizens. It was awesome!! Went on the Jackrabbit roller coaster. It was ok. Went on the Log Jammer and got damp. Went on Raging Rapids and got fucking soaked. Went on Thunderbolt and OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! That is the best wooden roller coaster I have EVER been on....IN MY LIFE! We ended up going on that 3 times. The last time, it was lightening on one side of the sky and fireworks on the other side, all in the dark. It was pretty cool. A very late dinner at Taco Bell and then we crashed. And we crashed hard. We were tired after all the walking we did.

It was an amazing day. The smile never left my face. I had only left Eric 2 days before, so we picked up where we left off. We had a great day. Im so damn happy I came to see him.

Heres the scoop. Its 1115. Im tired and Im going to bed. Im going to get help tomorrow writing so I dont forget anything.

I love him.

Peace Out....

7-31-08

2008-07-31T13:56:00.002-05:00

Hello from Northern Illinois.

Today is my Friday. It was the longest 3 day week in the history of 3 day weeks. Im overly happy that its over.

Not only do I wish my boss would move on to another store, but now I wish one of the other department heads would move on as well. I figure, by the time my grandchild is here, Im going to be totally gray!!! Stress sucks!

On to happier things....

My daughter is doing well. Shes starting to get fat. She eats almost 24 hours a day and its showing. Ive told her she cant eat and sit.....she needs to eat and walk it off. I feel that shes going to learn things the hard way. Typical for her.

The thought of a baby has sunk in. Hearing the cry. Feedings. More sleepless nights. Holding my first of many grandchildren. I cant wait.

Im going to Pittsburgh this weekend. Im so excited about that as well. I get to meet Erics friends and family. Well, at least some of them. Im looking forward to seeing the city, going to his favorite eating places, seeing the sights, and mostly, spending time alone with him. Alone time? What the hell is that?

I have some stuff to do before I leave, so Im off for now.

If Im not back on to add to this, I hope that everyone has a most fabulous weekend and I will blog when I get home.

Peace Out.....

7-26-08

2008-07-26T17:59:00.002-05:00

Hi...

Well, Eric has returned, yet again. This was a last minute thing. Its my nephews birthday tomorrow and we wanted to have some kind of birthday thing at the cemetery. Im not really looking forward to it, but my kids really want to celebrate.

Im not sure the last time is that Justin had a birthday party. I know that I had one for him when he was 5 or so. I never heard him or his mom mention a party. My youngest son had this idea that we get a cake, cupcakes or something and just chill at the cemetery. How can I tell him no?

Eric and I went and bought some flowers for Justin and my Gram today. They are beautiful. There is nothing like fresh cut flowers. Tomorrow, besides chilling and playing WII, we will be at the cemetery. *sigh*

This has been a great visit with Eric. They get better and better. Hes smiling from ear to ear after me saying that, Im sure. We havent been home much. Had lunch with some friends, did a lot of shopping, had lunch together. Its been relaxing. I like that.

Hes leaving on Tuesday and I will be in Pittsburgh on Friday. Its finally my turn. With work, its hard to leave. Im usually so tired when the work week is done, I just want to chill. When he got here Thursday, he and I went to bed around 530pm and didnt wake until 630 the next morning. Yeah, we slept. He was tired from the drive, and I was exhausted from the crappy, sleepless week I had. Needless to say, we were both energized for the weekend.

Im heading out to the store in a few minutes as we are cooking out tonight. I hope everyone is having a great weekend. I will blog in a day or so.

Peace Out......

7-21-08

2008-07-21T22:55:00.005-05:00

Peace Out....

7-20-08

2008-07-20T08:17:00.002-05:00

Hi...

I finally caught up on my sleep. I went to bed at 8 last night and got up at 6 this morning. I told Eric yesterday I cant remember the last time I was so tired. It seems that all week I have been dozing in the chair or on the couch. Not like me.

The past few weeks have been busy for me. Unusually busy. My Gram, work, Eric, company, kids, race..... I need a vacation to a sunny beach. Quiet beach. Have somebody check on me every half hour or so and ask if I need a drink refill. Is there such a place that exists?

Im going to visit Eric in 2 weeks. Ive only ever been through Pittsburgh, so Im excited to get to actually see it. Its going to be for 4 days, and Im expecting them to be action packed. There is a lot Eric wants to show me. I cant wait!

My boys helped me to clean out the garage yesterday. As well as my stuff, which isnt much, I have 3 other peoples stuff in there. It was so bad, I could only step inside about 2 feet. Now, I can almost park my car in there. The garbage pickers had a field day yesterday.

My oldest son has most of his stuff in there, and well, its now condensed. He tossed a lot of crap he didnt need or want. Hes moving in a few months, just in time for winter to set in. This winter, my car WILL be in the garage. Do you have any idea how much it sucks to scrape windows at 330 in the morning?? Well, let me tell you.... IT FUCKING SUCKS!!! Its cold at 330, its dark, its typically icy, and its dark! Did I mention its dark?

Today Im getting my tattoo. Its going to be 2 long stem pink roses in honor of my Gram. I was supposed to get it this past Wednesday, but my tattoo artist was under the weather. Eric took both photos of the roses. One is from his backyard and the other from when we went to Toledo. Hes a little honored that I want them permanently on my leg. My tattoo artist is pretty impressed with the pictures as well. Hes excited that they are actual photos we took and not something that was Google'd. I will post a photo tomorrow, so come check it out.

There is a little buzz about Erics photo in shorts and swimsuit! Im going to post those too, just not sure when. There will be a time when its just perfect. Soon, I promise.

I guess thats all for now. Just going to be one of those Sundays where I try not to do much of anything. Early dinner with my kids and then get my tattoo. Sounds like a good plan for the day.

I hope everyone enjoys their Sunday....

Peace Out....

7-18-08

2008-07-17T19:19:00.002-05:00

Have you ever hit an animal? Birds dont count.

This morning on my way to work, I had a suicide bunny dart out in front of my car. I let out a god awful scream because I couldnt believe what had just happened. I didnt stop because I didnt want to see a twitching bunny. I love bunnies. I collect the damn things.

I swear, it came out of nowhere. I am one of those drivers who stop for animals that are in the road. I have never killed anything more than a bird. They dont count. Ive never even killed a field mouse. I stop or slow down.

I heard the 'thump' 'thump' and felt a bump under my tire. I had hoped that I just rolled it around a little bit and it would run away and lead a happy life, eating grass and reproducing. I called Eric during my lunch and told him what had happened. He reassured me that the bunny was ok. On my drive home, I found the bunny. He wasnt flat and squished....well, not his body at least.

I cried a tear for the bunny. Seriously, I did.

I cant believe I killed a bunny. *sigh*

Im going to keep telling myself that he was on some kind of suicide mission. Maybe he was dared by the other bunnies. Maybe he was the bunny all the other kids picked on. Maybe, it wasnt suicide at all, but just a freak accident. Whatever the case, I felt bad and I will forever be known as a bunny killer....

Peace Out....

7-15-08

2008-07-15T21:12:00.006-05:00

Its so hard taking a photo with 6 people in it at an arms length away. We were squished and sunburned.

Kathy, Cory, CJ, Eric, Me and Travis. Cory and Travis are my boys. Kathy is CJs mom. You all know Eric, I think.

We had such a good time. It was hotter than, well, hot. We were sunburned, but smiling. It was just a great day. Dont let the look on Corys face fool you. He hates his photo taken.

There is another photo I want to post, but Im not sure what Eric would say. He has shorts on. Yes, it was hot enough that the man bought a pair of shorts. He picked them out all by himself and he looked cute. OH, and a swimsuit. I have a photo of that too. WANNA SEE???? I love you, honey.

I waited a year to go to this race. The week was cut short by my Grandmas passing, so we didnt get to do everything we normally do. Find drivers, get photos, drive around town and look for their cars on display. The week was a whirlwind of activity. I know that I will have next year and years to come, so whats one race? Im already counting down to next year!

Im not going to make any comments off of what Eric blogged. Hes so very 'green' when it comes to NASCAR. Its just not his thing, and Im ok with that. He stated he wants to go again next year, but not go to a race. He wants to sit in the parking lot while we are at the race. lol. Theres not much to do during the race while sitting in your car. Ive been there, done that. It sucked! He has 358ish days to change his mind.

Last year, Kathy and I met some of the most awesome people parked next to us. We ended up tailgating with them for the next 3 races. (there are 4 races a year at Chicagoland) This year we hooked up with them again. We actually got tickets with them so we all sat together. It was great to see them. We enjoyed each others company, good food and a few beers. We have already made plans to 'hook up' again for the September races. Cant wait!

Eric did well at his first race. We went to see a little bit of practice, and I dont think hes ever heard anything as loud as the cars zooming by. The sound doesnt bother me, its a rush! The sound is similar to a fighter jet flying overhead at about 100 yards. Its amazing! I got him some earplugs and he said it helped.

Eric took some amazing photos as well, but Im not sure if he has posted them or not. He got a new camera while he was here, because he forgot his at home. Personally I think it was just an excuse to get a new camera. I took pictures and so did Kathy. It seems I can never have enough photos of my Dale Jr.

I took this photo at the Saturday night race. The sky was amazing. I like this photo with the cars coming out of turn 4. I have about 10 more similar to this. The sky kept getting redder and redder. My God, it was amazing...

OK....I have decided that I shouldnt add photos to my blog. I had to call Eric for tech support. And after his support, this stupid thing isnt doing what I want it to do. It looks good here, but when I preview it, BLAH!

So anyway, I could go on and on about the weekend, but I think Im done. Im so glad that Eric got to go with us. It was an unexpected surprise to get him a ticket. I think he enjoyed himself. I know that he would say that he did because he was with me. Hes so sappy like that.

Until next time.

Peace out...

7-14-08

2008-07-14T15:49:00.002-05:00

Hi...

Thanks to everyone who sent their condolences for my Grandma. It truly meant a lot. Death is always unexpected even when its expected. Im thankful that my Gram didnt suffer at all, she simply went to sleep. She is going to be so very missed in this family.

Thanks to Eric for being here for me. He was amazing. He let me do what had to be done. He helped when he could. He was a hug when I needed one. I love him and Im so thankful he was here for me. He just made it easier.

So much has happened this past week, I dont know where to start.

My Gram dying. The race weekend. My daughter telling me Im going to be a GRANDMA!

Yeah, Im still in a bit of shock over the Grandma thing. My daughter is 18, going on 28. Since my youngest was born, Jess was 3, we knew she would be a mom at a young age. She is amazing with children. I know that she is going to be a wonderful mom. That little part of me wished that she could have waited. In my heart, things happen for a reason. With so much pain and sorrow that has happened to this family this year, this is that shining light I have been waiting for. Im going to be a Grandma in March. WOW.

I probably should add that I love her boyfriend. He is 21, and a good kid. Some of the boys that she had dated in the past were just plain scary! Brad is a hard working, responsible kid. He takes such good care of Jessica. I know that they will both be wonderful, loving parents.

We find out in September if shes having twins and what the sex is. Twins run in his family.

*sigh*

This Grandma thing is going to take some getting used to.

I think Im going to blog about my race weekend another day. So much has happened, I need to collect my thoughts.

Thanks again for all your condolences.

Peace Out...

7-6-08

2008-07-06T09:58:00.001-05:00

Sarah Cecelia Cooper

March 21, 1909
July 6, 2008

I love you Grandma....

7-5-08

2008-07-05T12:10:00.002-05:00

Hi.

Eric made it here yesterday. He no sooner got here and we went to my girlfriends house for a cookout. He thinks Im finally showing him off.

We had a wonderful time playing bags, talking, eating and enjoying a roaring fire. We didnt see the local fireworks. I think after 40 years, they all look the same. It wasnt really discussed if we wanted to watch them or not. Eh, there is always next year.

I absolutely loved the comments left on Erics blog about the cow/horse. We are going to go and find that animal here in a little while. I will make an attempt to post the photo here later.

White with brown spots. Sounds kinda like a cow to me. You say cat, but it could be cow. Does it say Meow or Moo?

Eric played bags for the first time yesterday. Bags. Two boards 20 feet apart with a hole in the middle. 4 bean bags per team, tossed into the hole for points. He was ok. Not sure how many points he got, but it was another first for him.

Today we are going to my brothers for a cookout. Should be fun. My brother is a man of few words. His wife says enough for 2 though. Nothing wrong with that. They met Eric a few visits back, but really didnt have a chance to talk. I know it will be different this time.

My gram is still with us. I know I havent said much about her, but there is nothing really to report. She has gone downhill rapidly. The hospice nurse said it should be a matter of days, if not, hours. We thought she was going to pass yesterday, but her heart still beats. Strong woman.

Today my brother and I picked out her outfit. One less thing to do. Not that there is much 'to' do. All of her funeral arrangements have been made ahead of time. Thankfully.

I dont have much more to report. Im enjoying Eric. I missed him. I will be sure to report on anymore cow/horse sightings.

BTW.....Rene commented on eating horse. Well, my hometown is the location of the last horse slaughtering plant in the U.S. Something else to be proud of living here. Im not sure if it is still running as they have been trying to close it. Yes, I said trying. They open and close quite often.

Im on my way to the shower and then a drive in the country. Hope everyone had a happy 4th.

Peace Out.....

7-1-08

2008-07-01T16:10:00.002-05:00

Its been a while. Miss me?

I have now beaten up my boyfriend....lol. Poor guy gets so much shit from me. I thank God he can take a joke.

Not much is new, honestly. Ive been working. Not my normal 40, but close enough.

We have a new store manager who dishes out hours way differently than the last manager. My last one would give hours if you asked. Which was always nice. She had her select few, me included, that would get overtime if we asked. The new guy, Im scared to ask! I got 'yelled' at for asking for 4 more hours this week. Sheesh! Im going to make a really good assumption that nobody will be getting any overtime anytime soon. Oh well.

All is well here. The weather has been unusually cool for this time of year. A ceiling fan keeps the house cool. Ok....a few ceiling fans.

Work is work. Im doing 2 overnights this week so we can set the 'back to school' set. It is one set that I hate doing. So many pens and pencils. A lot of product, not many people, and 2 days to do it. OH, and Eric will be here Friday. OH, and we have plans Friday to go to a girlfriends house for a cookout. It will be an interesting day, to say the least.

Im looking forward to seeing Eric. I miss him. I talk to him everyday. We text, talk and IM a lot. There hasnt been a day since he found me that we havent talked. I think, correct me if Im wrong, we are going on 3 months now. Time has gone by so quickly.

I have taken a few vacation days to go to Pittsburgh to see him later this month. Should be exciting. Im taking the train instead of driving. It takes the same amount of time either way, but a train just sounds more exciting. With the price of gas, I hope to save a little money.

Race weekend in 2 weeks. My kids and I are all so excited. The all access pit passes fell through. Im still a little down about that, but I know that my day will come. For this, Im patient. My kids dont have tickets to the race, but they have so much fun tailgating in the parking lot. Its a night race. First one for Chicagoland Speedway. Its going to be a long, WONDERFUL day. I can NOT wait! I will post pictures when I get back.

My back is, well, sore. At the end of the day, its good to just lay in bed. Then I die. 230 is early. Or late, depending on when you typically go to bed. I have adjusted better than I thought I would. By Thursday, Im tired. Friday morning sleep in is a wonderful thing. I wish I could work 32 hour weeks every week. That joy ride will come to an end soon enough.

So I tried to post every day. Then I tried to post every other day. Now I just dont have a damn thing to say. I guess my life before work was more exciting.

I do have one thing I havent shared. Im on a diet. The doctor said lose weight, so I am. I dont have a scale, so I dont know how much Ive lost. The jeans tell me 10 or so pounds. Im sure Eric will say more.

I have given up on red meat. Its been almost 4 weeks now since Ive had a hamburger. Ive switched to turkey burgers. They are amazing! Slap a few on the grill and they are pretty damn good. I have also quit eating sweets. Thats hard for me as I love my chocolate.

My youngest son made brownies last night. I would die for a good brownie. Well, after they came out of the oven, I just couldnt help myself. I had a very small one, and it was like heaven! Thankfully they arent as good the next day. I like mine fresh, hot and right out of the oven. He said hes not making anymore. lol

When I find out how much Ive lost, I will let you all know.

All for now. Need to think about dinner for my starving children.

If Im not here before the 4th.....Please everyone have a safe one and have fun!!!

Peace Out....

6-21-08

2008-06-21T11:46:00.002-05:00

Ive really got nothing. Nothing has been going on here as of late.

Eric left on Wednesday and I miss him. Its so quiet here. Back to being chill without him here. I so enjoyed our long drives to nowhere. I saw countryside I hadnt seen before. Im sure he was bored out of his mind looking at endless corn fields and flat land. As much as I hate it here, I enjoy driving in the country before the corn gets too high to see over it. The sunsets are beautiful as well. Eric did get some great shots of the sunset over the fields. Maybe he will post one.

Im done with physical therapy. Im not 100%, but Im not progressing either. At some point you have to just accept it and move on. This is what Ive done. I will continue with my exercising, to a point. Ive never been a fan of exercising. Im going to get one of those huge balls. I can do those exercises and enjoyed them. hm, Why not do something I enjoy? I will also continue walking my Kadie girl. Thats good for both of us.

My Gram is the same. No changes. She still doesnt know who I am. Im Norma, my mom. Thats ok. I accept that as close enough. She likes Eric. Her eyes lit up when he told her that he was my boyfriend. Thats all shes ever wanted for me. Shes met him a few times, but seems to forget who he is when he goes back. She didnt want to see me alone after my divorce. She didnt understand thats what I wanted. Things changed.

My kids are enjoying summer vacation. They so badly want to go somewhere, but money is tight. We are thinking about going to see Eric. Its not the beach, but we will still have fun. I figure the beach isnt going anywhere, we can do it next year. Summer just started, and Eric isnt going anywhere.

The race is coming up in a few weeks. We are all excited about that. The all access passes fell through. It sucks. Apparently they are now charging $600 a piece for the passes. Yeah, I cant do that. I will get my day in the pits, just not this year. Kathy and I still have awesome seats for the races. Start/Finish line about 20 rows up. Cant beat that!!!

Work is work. This past week I got more dumped on me. More responsibilities. Yay. I need a team of 8 instead of 3. The new store manager is tough. Its what the store needs. No more bullshit, which I like. Maybe people will do their jobs now instead of fucking around. I also like that he sees things the other exes 'miss'. I think he and I will get along just fine.

I mentioned in a blog a while ago that my 13 year old nephew died a few months ago. A subject that is still very raw to me. He was my baby. My 5th child. He got his headstone this week. For whatever reason, it made me happy to think he was more than just a marker in the ground. Im going to go see him today and take a few pictures. I may post one here, I may not. Im not sure yet. I will have one on my MySpace page, which nobody here has a link to, but thats ok. My sister has access to that account and Im posting it for her. Shes seen it, just not at the cemetery. I never thought I could miss anybody as much as I miss that little man.

I think thats about it for today. So much for writing everyday. I tried there for a while, and was doing real good. Either got tired, didnt have anything to say, or the day was just another day. Lets try for every other day.

Have a great weekend.

Peace Out....

6-18-08

2008-06-18T12:14:00.002-05:00

YIKES!

Its been a few days since I have been here. Ive been busy. Sorry.

Eric left about an hour or so ago. My GOD, its quiet here. The dog went up to nap, kids are still sleeping and here I sit, alone. Again. This sucks. I miss him already. I think I sent him a text message before he even left my subdivision.

We had a good visit. It started off with me being just a tad bit bitchy, but things got better. I knew I was going to have issues going back to work. Im sorry, Eric.

This time, things were more chill. We kept busy, as I like to do, but it was more relaxed. More comfortable. Like he was supposed to be here. He did drive me crazy, but as he and I discussed, HE thinks its good. Me, well, the jury is still out. Why do I want a man who drives me crazy? I keep telling him I want things simple. Im looking forward to things settling. I will be the first to admit, Im getting used to him. Kinda like a rash that wont go away. I love him. I think about him a lot. If hes sitting next to me or if Im at work, I think about him. Hes smiling from ear to ear right now.

Like I said in the previous blog entry, we went to Joliet to see my girlfriend and her family. We had a great time. The kids had fun, as well as my Kadie girl. I think she slept the whole way home. Pooped out puppy.

Chicago was amazing. After being in Joliet all day on Friday, we slept in Saturday. The kids didnt go with us and that left us to go our own speed and see what we wanted.

We walked a lot! I mean...A LOT. Great way to test the back out. NOT. After popping 4 extra strength Tylenol, I felt better. I only had issues when we sat down. It like the old door whos hinge needs some WD40. I managed.

We went to Navy Pier. Wrigley Field. Rode the 'L'. Took a water taxi. Went on the Ferris Wheel. Saw Millennium Park. Saw some little kid run around with his underwear on backwards. Watched a few minutes of the Puerto Rican parade. Ate at Gino's. Took a TON of pictures. And almost died in a taxi. Needless to say, we were tired after the days activities.

Sunday, a day of rest. Watched the NASCAR race. Yes, after waking Eric up only once, he watched it with me. Then, THEN......DALE JR WON!!!! OMG!!! Eric witnessed Dales first win of the year. The phone calls and the text messages. It was amazing!!! I was happy! It was a great race. A little hairy at the end because he almost ran out of gas, but still a good race.

Monday and Tuesday were pretty chill. We went and saw my Grandma, until she made us leave. I dont know what she was thinking. It was a good visit. Weird, but good. Eric was glad he got to see her.

So now, here I am. Its Wednesday. Hes gone, things will slow down and go back to normal. My poor kids will have to go back to making their own dinner. Its good for 'em.

Im not sure when I will see him again. Hes got things going on in Pitts. Im going to try and get out to see him in July. I have to see what kind of stuff is going on at work and if I can leave, again.

My back is ok. My last therapy session is tomorrow. Am I 100%? No. I doubt I ever will be 100% again. Im on a diet to lose a little. Its going better than I thought it would. Im eating better and walking more. I just need to keep up with the exercises. Thats the part I dont like. Such is life.

All for now. Not much else to report on. Happy Hump Day!

Peace Out....

6-14-08

2008-06-14T00:04:00.002-05:00

Time flies when youre having fun.

Eric has been here 3 days now. Hard to believe, really. Hes been quiet. Not typical of him. Ive been crabby. Tired.

We had a great day today. Eric, my two daughters and a boyfriend all went to Joliet to see my girlfriend, Kathy. Eric met her on his first visit out and they got along great. I decided to take the hour drive south to go see her.

We took Eric to the Chicagoland Speedway to show him where the NASCAR race is going to be. We couldnt get in the parking lot, like usual, so we drove to the tunnel entrance. It was open. There was a green light. Kathy floored it. Before we knew it, we were in the infield of the track. I had been inside there one other time, many years ago. Its an awesome feeling to be on the 'inside'.

It didnt take long before the cameras were clicking and pictures and memories were being stored. I was like a kid on Christmas. Even though I had been there once before, to do it again was amazing.

Kathy parked and Eric jumped out. Eric and I stared walking towards the garages. He veered left, I went inside. Everyone caught up, but didnt go in the garages. Chickens. I wanted to be where the cars were. Where the action was. Where my Dale Jr is going to be in a month. After teasing them, and more pictures, they entered this sacred garage area. We then got spotted and kicked out. Probably a good thing. If I was in there much longer, I would have lifted something. A wrench, lug nut or some kind of car part.

We hung out around the cars. Talked to a few of the Richard Petty Driving Experience people. I showed Eric the cars and told him the difference between last years car and this years. Im not really sure that he cared, but hes now informed.

My daughter brought our dog with us. God forbid we leave her in the car. She was running around having a ball. She was running through the infield grass and playing on pit road. More pictures. She was being so damn cute.

We also got to take a van ride around the track at 75 mph. I hadnt done that before. Yeah, it was pretty amazing. Eric opted to stay behind and hold Kadie. He damn near pushed me into the van, so I didnt have much choice in the matter, but to go. He would have loved it though. While on the van ride, I spotted Jimmy Johnsons tire skid marks from last years race. Yeah, he hit pretty hard, and didnt finish the race. um....AWWWWW. NOT! (for me, that was the highlight of last years race. sorry jimmy johnson fans)

After the track, we went back to Kathys to let the kids swim. They had a blast. Water was a little cold, but once they were in, they didnt complain. Much.

Her husband came home, we had dinner and then drove home. We got home around 10.

It was a great day. Beautiful weather. Surrounded by people I love. Heard the engines start. The smile couldnt have been wiped from my face.

Eric is asleep now. Snoring. Yes dear, youre snoring. We are going to Chicago tomorrow. Another big day. Im looking forward to relaxing a little on Sunday, maybe. We shall see.

Im glad hes here. Ive missed him. We are going to have a great day tomorrow. 85 and Sunny!
There will be pictures to post after this trip.

Peace Out...

6-9-08

2008-06-09T21:26:00.002-05:00

I went back today. I tried the excuse this morning that my back hurt. Didnt work. I will try again tomorrow. I can honestly say it doesnt feel great. Its just, ok.

I made it through 5 hours. I was only supposed to be there 4, but we all know how things change. My boss came in at 9, when he was supposed to be there at 8. What gives? He tells me his new thing is to go to the gym Monday through Thursday, before work. Another excuse to get away from his very controlling wife.

So we sat down, and he dumped in front of me 3 months of crap I had to go through. Then he told me that 'my girls' did ok while I was gone. Things can be better. They should be doing their jobs more efficiently. They should show up to work. They shouldnt leave early on Friday. They should know to check the computer. They need to clean up after themselves. blah blah blah blah...for 15 minutes, I listened to this crap. How am I supposed to change whats already been done? Wasnt he there to 'supervise'? Apparently not!

After this lovely talk, we walked the sales floor. That went ok. Not much had changed. Nothing was really new. He managed to point out to me a few things that are now MY responsibility to fix and or clean up. I just smiled.

When the walk was over, we went to a computer. Keep in mind, these computers are over 10 years old. Slow? Doesnt even come close. When you click enter, it literally takes a minute for the page to load. I had to hit the patience button many times with that computer today.

I got my stuff to print up and I started 'working'. hm. Im not sure it was work. It was more like fixing the problems that he created. My team was supposed to have 138 work hours. They got 54. I have a problem with that. So I went to him and questioned it. Like usual, he opens mouth, inserts foot. He didnt know what to say. So now tomorrow, I need to get my girls to work Friday so we can get this weeks work done. I hope they dont mind.

All the execs went into a meeting at around 1130 with our new store manager. That was an interesting introduction as well. He didnt know me, I didnt know him. We questioned each other like it was an interrogation. Afterwards I was able to laugh at the situation, so was he. He seems like a nice man. I hope he and I can see eye to eye.

I left work at almost 1pm. I didnt say goodbye to anybody, I just left. I figure, everything will be there tomorrow. Including a note from my boss asking why I left without saying anything. He will just have to deal. He wont be in the office for the rest of the week, which is a wonderful thing in itself.

I was welcomed back with open arms. After being gone so long, you know who your true friends really are. Sad, but true. I am lucky to say that most everyone was happy to see me. I can name the 3 or 4 that cursed me as I walked by. I just smile at them and say 'hi'.

Im going back tomorrow. My days will be from 6 to 10am. It will work out great while Eric is here. He will be ready to go when I get home. We have plans.....lol. Should be an interesting visit.

Right now, its 945pm. Im tired and sore. Its only Monday. Tomorrow I need to get some kind of food in this house and I need to clean up the house a little bit. I cant wait to see Eric. I miss him.

Off to bed I go.

Peace Out...

6-8-08

2008-06-08T15:36:00.002-05:00

Hey, its been a few days. Sorry.

So, I go back to work tomorrow. Am I looking forward to it? Uh, NO. Duh. I had to go see the Dr again to get released. That went ok. He didnt really have much to say.

I also saw the pain Dr. He wanted to give me 3 different shots in my back. WTF? I told him that I really didnt want him sticking me. He understood then told me that Im 40, and he sees this everyday. Ok, so if he sees this everyday, why did he want to give me 3 shots? I was told that if the pain isnt manageable, make an appointment. Will do, Peace out!

Kids are all done with school. Im patiently waiting for the report cards to get here. How bad can it be?

Eric is coming for a visit this week. Yeah, Im pretty excited. We have plans this time for most of the time hes going to be here, including a weekend trip to Chicago. I would like to keep busy this time. I will be working, but only half days, so I think this will work out great. We had such a great time in Ohio, I have no doubts we will have just as much fun when he comes here.

I havent seen my Gram in over a week. There was a horrible flu bug floating around and as far as I know, the Nursing home is still closed. My brother and I signed her up for hospice, so they have been visiting her. I hope to go up there on Monday or Tuesday.

Well, thats about all Ive got. Not much going on. Nothing is new.

Peace Out....

6-4-08

2008-06-04T07:53:00.005-05:00

Hi...

I was going to write in here yesterday, and I did for about 30 minutes, then I deleted everything. I was going to give my two cents as to this past weekend, then decided against it. Eric pretty much summed it up. Sure, he missed some things, but thats ok. It was 'our' weekend.

I havent been out to see my Gram. The nursing home is on lock down. They say its the flu. I know better. They dont close a nursing home to everyone for almost a week because of the flu. When they do let us back in, shes going to be pissed because we havent been in to see her. She doesnt care about the reasons why, shes still going to want to know why we havent seen her.

School is out tomorrow. They all survived another year. They didnt all pass, but they survived. Once again, my oldest daughter just doesnt get it. Why is it that kids think that life will just fall into their lap?? Why do they also think that mom is ALWAYS going to be there to bail them out of the jam they have gotten themselves into?

I have a Dr appointment today. Im not really sure whats going to happen. Im a little nervous. The thought of him sticking a needle in my back just doesnt sound good to me. I have a pain tolerance thats off the chart, but when you say 'needle and spine' in the same sentence, I freak just a little bit. ITS MY SPINE!! It has all those bones and shit wrapped around it for a reason. I have 2 hrs and 42 minutes til I meet my Dr. I think I need a drink.

We had nice rains come through here yesterday. Typically spring is in April, its waiting until June this year. Maybe we will have fall in December. That would be nice. According to the Weather Channel, we are supposed to get rain until next Wednesday. Cool. I like rain.

My dog, Kadie, doesnt like the rain. While the kids were at school, it was nice and quiet here. I was online talking to Eric, duh, and lightening hit near by. My poor little dog, jumped up on my lap and was shaking like a leaf. She was panting and sweating. It scared me a little bit. How do you calm a dog down whos scared of the rain?? Why MY dog? Needless to say, this coming week with all the rain were supposed to get, should be interesting. Thankfully the kids will be home to help calm her.

Eric is coming out here in 2 weeks, I think. My youngest wants to go to Chicago, and so does he. So, she told him to come out so we can go, and he said, OK! She said he can stay a week. Im a little scared. The last time he was here for a week, was real hard for me. I am taking into consideration Im not going to have as many people here this time, so things should go better. I will also be back at work. He gets to be mom while Im at work. lol. Wait, whats wrong with this picture? Im bringing home the 'bacon'. oh well.....

Im still riding high from our weekend trip. I miss him. I missed him before I left the state of Ohio. I cant say it enough.....We had such a great time together! Thank you, again, Eric.

I think thats about it for today. Happy Hump Day!

Peace Out....

6-1-08

2008-06-01T21:54:00.003-05:00

Wow, that was weird typing the date. I cant believe this year is already half over. Time sure does fly, the older you get.

Im home. Eric is home.

We had the most amazing weekend. I couldnt have asked for anything more. The weather was simply beautiful. The company was amazing. The city of Toledo, well, it was pretty cool. The hotel was lovely. The drive wasnt that bad, even though I almost got killed and I took 90 west instead of taking 80 west. Small detour through Chicago. Love that city anyway, so no biggie.

Im just not sure what to say.

We went to the Toledo Zoo. Amazing. Debs Ice Cream. Tasty. Steak....Ciminos? HOT PLATE. Toledo Art Museum. Beautiful. Glass Pavilion. Special. Lake Erie. Sunset. Jacuzzi. Bubbly.

My girlfriend sent me a text while I was on my way home. She wanted me to rate my weekend between a 1 and 10. 10 being the best, of course. I sent her back......... 10. Then she called me.

Eric and I just clicked all weekend.

I have nothing more to say. I cant wait to see what he posts.

Thank you for a very, very special weekend, Eric. I will remember it always. I love you.

Peace Out....

5-30-08

2008-05-30T13:22:00.002-05:00

Just a quickie as Im going out of town shortly. Im just catching my breath for a minute.

All is well here. My brother and dog have been found. They were found actually laying in bed sleeping. Hes home, safe and sound. Im not sure where he went nor when he returned. Doesnt really matter much.

My Gram was very tired today. I visited with her for just a short time as she kept falling asleep. Regardless of how tired she was, she still looked good. While in her prime, which was not that long ago, she was always worried about how she looked. Her hair was never right. She often said, 'girls these days just dont know how to give a good permanent'. Was there ever a good one?

hm...I dont have much today. Im thinking about my drive and know Im going to hit traffic. Thats ok. It gives me something to look at.

Have a great weekend.

Peace Out....

5-29-08

2008-05-29T10:52:00.003-05:00

Just a few random thoughts. I may add to this later, Im not sure yet.

*Dont stick a bunch of Jelly Bellies in your mouth unless they are all the same color! EW

*English teachers are wonderful human beings. I never liked English in school. I never liked my English teachers. I like one now. Im still trying to figure out after 25+ years......Why did you make us chop up sentences and figure out what the nouns, pronouns and verbs were? All those arrows, slashes and circles around the sentence making a mess of things. I dont use that in everyday life. Im sure my blogs show why I was supposed to learn it, but...

*Toledo, OH has a free Art Museum. I will tell you about it on Monday.

*Car insurance is too damn expensive!!! My kids wonder why they dont have their license yet and I dont let them drive my car! Perhaps if they had to pay it, they would understand. I dont think Im a bad mom for not letting them drive around town. They are just starting life. They have a lot to learn and plenty of time to drive.

*I have come to the conclusion that my Gram will never remember who I am. Yesterday, I was Martha. Who the hell is Martha?? Then she laughs at me like shes pulled a funny. God, I hope she knows who I am. She does look good and she got the catheter. For almost 2 hours, she said she had to pee. lol

*I miss my cat George. Im not getting another one. Im not getting another one. Im not getting anot.....

*Birds like to shit on dark red cars! I know, its like a big target. Even more points if they make it in the sunroof. That hasnt happened to me.....YET.

*I have a 5 day vacation coming up in a few weeks. My Dale Jr is going to be in town for the race at Chicagoland Speedway. Yeah, did I mention that I have all access pit passes?? OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!! IM GONNA SEE DALE JR UP CLOSE!!! HOLY SHIT!!!! Im ok now. This feeling comes and goes. Ask Eric. Hes witnessed it.

*If you see a guy walking or hitching a ride with a black lab puppy, please let me know. Ive lost my brother and his dog Snowflake. He will really appreciate a ride to, um, where ever hes going.

*Plants die if you dont water them. DOH!

*Lynette is....my rock! A shiny, bright, brilliant, faceted Diamond. I love her with all my heart.

*My Blog writings are NOT crap. They are meaningful thoughts and feelings. Im sorry I said that yesterday.

Peace Out.....

Ok.....Im back for a quick second. Something amazing to me happened today after I posted. I have to share.....

I finally got off the computer and went to take a shower. Of course, just before I step in, the doorbell rings. My dog is barking and Im trying to get dressed to shut her up. Wondering who is at the door. Nobody visits me during the day.....hell anytime for that matter. I open the door and theres nobody there. What the hell. I look down and there is a large box in front of my door. My first thought, it was a head. lol. You never know! The box said perishable, and well, a head would perish.

I picked up the box thinking now it was a box of fruit. I dont know. I put it on the counter and opened it up. Inside the box was a styrofoam cooler. I take the lid off and there was bubble wrap. I move the bubble wrap and there are 48 candy bars and a large envelope.

The candy bars are Big Mo bars. Dale Earnhardt Jrs candy bar that came out earlier this year. Of course I had to buy them when they came out. I love him. I actually bought 4. Two to put away and two to open. They had a contest going on that I had to try to win. Grand Prize was a weekend in North Carolina with Dale Jr and going to some races. Pretty exciting.

I didnt win the Grand Prize, but I won 2nd. 100 lucky people in the U.S. won the candy bars. I was so close to winning the Grand Prize. Maybe next time.

Its a bunch of damn candy bars, but I think its cool. I never win anything and to be such a fan of his and win something was pretty awesome. My kids like the prize. They all dug in. Teenagers!

Im now done with my blog for the day....

Peace Out.......

5-28-08

2008-05-28T10:37:00.002-05:00

Hi

Im laying on my bed waiting for the dryer to buzz. Im not really comfortable at the moment. Beds are supposed to be comfortable, right? Hm. My bed is comfortable, Im not.

I didnt blog yesterday. Sorry. I had an Eric kinda day where I didnt have anything to say. Well, I did have things to say, just didnt say them.

I appreciate everyone sending me emails and posts. Im getting to know all these names Eric talks about so often. Please be patient with my return emails, you will hear from me. Just may be a day or two.

I had PT yesterday. I still have more pain than I think I should. My PTist (lol) and I agreed that maybe I need a second opinion. Im sure my insurance wont pay for that and God knows I cant afford it. Im at a crossroad and Im not sure what direction to take. I know, with a little patience, I will know what to do. I have a doctors appointment next week. I will see what he says.

It was cold here in Northern Illinois yesterday. At one point, I seriously considered turning my furnace on. I dont think it got much warmer than 50ish and the wind was just ripping through my house. Where the hell is the warm weather?? Global warming?? Global cooling is more like it. I cant wait to move to the South!

Eric and I are doing ok. I think. We have talked a lot this past week on things we need to 'fix' with each other. A small step in the right direction, I think. Im not sure what else to say about him. I love him. Hes amazing. He can get a smile out of me every once in a while. :)

We are going to try and see each other before I go back to work. Im not sure when that is, but it will be soon. I suspect next week, which will make our 'hooking up' a little difficult. Will keep everyone posted on what we decide to do.

My Gram is doing ok. Im going to go see her after lunch. Lunch is a bad time for me to see her. Its not her, its everyone else. I feel so sorry for these people that cant feed themselves. There isnt nearly enough staff to help them out either. Its depressing. I wish that she didnt have to be there, but we had no other choices. This will be something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. It will be a dark cloud. I just hope at some point, she doesnt come back and punish me for putting her in there.

Kids are almost done with school. Next week are finals. Oh I cant wait to see how well my kids did this year. I only have one child that is causing my gray hairs. Thank God. 1 out of 4 is pretty good in my books. Im not sure what her plans for the future are. They change daily. I think her newest plan is to move into an apartment with her boyfriend. Hm. We shall see where that goes. She tried to move out a few months ago. I said tried. She doesnt understand that you need credit and references and MONEY to move out. She didnt make it past her room. She did manage to 'spring clean' while packing. lol....I can laugh now.

Summer. Vacation. Hell, Ive been on 'vacation' since March 24th. Some vacation. I cant complain of being tired when I go back. Im rested. That rested feeling wont last for more than 2 days. My wake up time is 230am. I dont have to be to work until 4, but I need to be AWAKE before I leave. I also am the morning ride for 2 guys I work with. Typically I leave my house at 330, pick them up, and arrive 5 minutes before the doors open. I work my 8 or so hours come home and work for another 8 or so hours. Thats life.

Ive had a few questions from my viewers on what I do at 4am. Well, I will tell you. I have 3 girls that work for me and 1 signing guy. Signing guy, he puts up new signs around the store. Yes, he is busy. I keep him busy most days. A typical week, we will get 2 very large pallets of signing for a week. I also found it hard to believe when I started this job. Such a waste in the end.

My girls. I love my girls. I refer to them as, 'my girls'. They are young. Young enough to be mine, almost. According to them, I am the best boss they have EVER had. I question how many jobs they have had before this one. Regardless, Im the best! Im proud.

So, my girls are responsible for doing all the work I give them in a day. lol. It is their responsibility to reset aisles in the store that have gone clearance or just need resetting. Typically our store, and Im sure its like this in most stores, is busy from December to May and June until October. Departments go clearance depending on the time of year. When I go back, even though school is just ending, we will be resetting our 'Back to School' set to get ready for school. Makes no sense, but it does. Have to keep ahead. Always need to be ahead.

Any more questions? I know that was very vague, but I really dont want to bore you more so than you are now. My team resets the store. Period. What do I do??? I tell them what to do. I do all the little things to make their job as easy for them as possible. Im 'support' help. I deal with my boss, asshole, so they dont have to. I love my job. I would love it more if I liked my boss. Im not even going to talk about him today. When I go back, you will hear plenty, Im sure.

Im not going to re-read this. It would get deleted. Im sorry that you had to read such crap today. I dont have much to say. This week has been quiet. Quiet is good. I will try not to bore tomorrow.

Peace Out.....

5-26-08

2008-05-26T14:50:00.002-05:00

I told Eric today that I cant believe he doesnt blog everyday seeing as he has so much to say. He blogged, and didnt have anything to say. Go figure.

I understand how he may not have anything to say. Im like that today. As I sit here though, something will come up.

Im addicted to Facebook. I get this little 'high' from the Owned application. I have managed to make myself over 2 million 'dollars' in a very short period of time. How can I apply this to my life? Eric jokes with me telling me I should make a 'Facebook for Dummies' book. hm

Its another one of those days. Its finally warm outside. I had to turn my ceiling fan on. This is a good thing. Its quite windy outside. Almost too windy to do anything. I enjoy going out an tossing the frisbee with my kids or even playing ball with my dog. Shes scared of the wind so that kills that idea. She weighs about 7 lbs. My guess is that shes afraid shes going to end up like Toto in the Wizard of Oz. (that would be cool)

Kids are all gone. I have started cleaning up the house. The only time I can do it is when they are gone. Seems they manage to make a mess quicker than I can clean it up. Why do I clean up after them? If they dont do it, who will.

I was up in my girls room yesterday looking for a pen. Mind you, I dont go in their room. If they have laundry, they better bring it. Yes, I do the laundry too. Really, I dont mind. Anyway. So I never found a pen but I did find most of my silverware, glasses, plates. I think there are more in their room than there are in the cupboard. I need to lay down the law on this deal. I laugh at that. Lay down the law. Thats funny.

For the past hour or so, I have been watching some kids slip & slide. They are in the backyard, so when I pass the window I watch them for a few minutes. This one little girl, she must be 4 or 5, keeps sliding down on her face! She runs and SMACK! right on her face. Ouch? She gets up and does it all over again. Stupid kid. lol

This silence is golden.

The nursing home called. My gram isnt peeing now. They had to drain her. For whatever reason, she doesnt have a catheter. Im not sure why, but she doesnt. So when she has to go, they need to put her on a bedpan. Isnt a catheter easier? Im burned out and tired. I can only imagine what she is feeling.

Im not getting anything done sitting here.

Peace Out...

5-25-08

2008-05-25T16:33:00.002-05:00

Another nice day outside. Im inside, again. We had a nice little rain come through here a while ago. My dog is scared of lightening.

I had 2 Robins perched outside my window for about 45 minutes this morning. Mom and youngster. I got some photos of them. I got a pretty cool picture of my cat, Bob, as well. Of course he wanted to eat the little bird. No such luck, Bob.

My son and daughter are gone. My youngest is home with me. Avril is cranked in her bedroom.

I didnt get much sleep last night. I went to bed somewhere between 3 and 330 this morning. Part of me wasnt tired, or overly tired. The other part was thinking about stuff. Mostly Eric stuff.

Im not really sure what I was thinking. Just going over past phone conversations, instant message conversations and time he spent here conversations. Man thats a lot of talking! I didnt come to any certain conclusion with him. I didnt solve any problems. I didnt come up with anything about myself I need to change or improve, even though I do need to change or improve. I was just thinking.

Eric is a good man. I know this. He is what I want in a man. Sweet, gentle, caring, loving, passionate. Why do the little things drive me crazy? Im pretty sure that things will iron itself out. I do know that we wont always see eye to eye on everything. Who does? Theres always compromise. I think its one of those things I need to change or improve.

Talking to him this morning he told me that there are things he needs to change with himself as well. That is a decision he has to make for himself. I have long since given up trying to change somebody. Learning the hard way, I have found, it doesnt work.

What else is there?

I guess nothing.

Once again, Happy Memorial Day.

Peace Out....

(i love you, eric)

5-24-08

2008-05-24T17:22:00.002-05:00

Another day, another post.

It was a rough day yesterday for Eric and I. We didnt quite see eye to eye on some things. Its ok, this will happen. I think distance has played a part as well.

Its really hard when the one you want to be with is 500 miles away. I want to be with Eric. The only way I know this relationship is going to work is if we are together. Makes sense. I would hate for us to talk so much and know each other, then only to move in with each other and not get along.

How does one make a long distance relationship work?

Communication is good. We do that. A lot of it as a matter of fact. I question if we can talk too much. Yeah, thats not possible. Theres no such thing as talking too much.

It scares me a little that he is so confident in this relationship. How does he know for sure that he loves me as much as he does? I love him, but as I told him, I dont love him as much as he loves me. Why? How is it so easy for him and Im having such a problem with it? Not that Im having a problem loving him, but why dont I love him as much? Will I? Hes very confident that I will love him that much. How does he know this?? Does he have a crystal ball he looks into??

I dont get it.

Are these questions valid?

I know that there are a few people out there that have the answers to these questions. You can email me. I want to know what youre thinking.

Aside from that, Im ok. My Gram is ok. Everyday is hard. Period. Her doctor was in to see her the other day while I was there. He said shes getting better. WHAT THE FUCK?!? Two days before that we were told she wasnt doing well at all. I wish they would make up their minds. Shes 99 years old and failing, but the doctor is confident that shes going to be around to see 100.
The look on my brothers face when I told him that, was priceless.

I dont have a doctors appointment until June 4th. Still no work. I found out this doctor Im going to see wont even release me to work. Hes going to release me back to my doctor. What a fuckin waste of time and energy. Just sign here on the dotted line and let me go back to work. Simple.

Its beautiful outside. I didnt spend more than 30 minutes out there today. What the hell is wrong with me?

I may see if the kids want to go to Chicago tomorrow. They have been wanting to go. Its not really an expensive trip. I can spend the day there with them for under $75. Personally, I dont think thats bad. Typically it depends on how hungry they are. Thats the killer.

I just flipped on ESPN2 to be prepared for the race that starts in 10 minutes, and there is a parade on. Its an IRL parade in Indianapolis, IN. (IRL, Indy Racing League) I had no idea they had a parade for the Indy 500. Cool!

OK

I guess I have nothing else. I look forward to those emails.

Have a great Memorial Day Weekend.

Peace Out....

5-23-08

2008-05-23T16:09:00.002-05:00

What to say.

Its been an uneventful day. Its cold outside. Like in the high 50's cold. Tomorrow its going to be much warmer. Thank GOD!

The kids are off until Tuesday. Im pretty sure they are going to their fathers house. Its been 2 months since they have spent any time with them. They arent complaining. The one thing about joint custody is that my kids are old enough to decide where they want to be.

Thats all I want to say about him.

I dont have much to say today. Im sitting here staring at my screen. Im blank.

I should clarify something. Eric is moving to North Carolina as well. As it stands right now, we are going to be neighbors because he doesnt know how to decorate a house. (insert laugh)

I just erased a bunch of stuff. Damn it.

I didnt want to go there. It was funny. It would have been funny to Eric and I, but not everybody. I dont think. I guess it depends on your sense of humor. Today my sense of humor is a little whack. I blame it on the weather.

Random thoughts.....

I talked to my girlfriend about my obituary. This idea has since grown. She and I are going to do it together. Decorate a box called 'The Funeral Box' and include what we feel is important.
Its really smart. I think everyone should do it. My daughter was home while I was on the phone talking about it, and she thanked me for this idea. She knows the stress it takes for a funeral and all the preparations. At 18, shes been to too many funerals.

My son is so handsome. He thinks he has mad skills. What IS a mad skill?

My daughter, my youngest, has met a boy online. My baby. Dear God...! This boy lives in NY. I think its far enough, but not really. He has just left for Italy for a year. (Im so damn jealous) That may be far enough away. Im not sure yet. Hes 3 years older than her and this is her first real 'crush'. Or at least that I know of. Shes my shy, quite baby. Shes too young for a boyfriend type. I dont think she will ever be old enough.

My cat is snoring. Rico! Hes waiting for his dinner. Not 5 o'clock, I tell him. He went and laid down. lol. Hes the smartest damn cat I have ever seen. He comes when hes called. He will sit on command. We 'talk'. He doesnt like Eric too much. He will be cordial, but thats where he draws the line. Eric has taken his spot in bed. Rico doesnt adjust to change well when it comes to the bed. I need to post a picture of my baby. Hes a Garfield looking cat. Weighs in at about 20 lbs. My baby.

Ok here comes Bob, my gray cat. He can tell time better than Rico. Rico has now gotten up and is sitting next to me. 'Talking'

Im done. Going to take the kids to their fathers in a little bit, when they are ready. Talk to my Eric for a bit.

Peace Out.....

5-22-08

2008-05-22T13:02:00.000-05:00

So I asked for suggestions. I got them. Thanks.

Where do I live. Hm.

I live in the land of corn fields. Along with the corn fields there are also soybean fields. One year its corn, the next its soybeans. A few times a year they spray those fields with either pig or cow shit. Depends on the field and what time of year it is. Oh yes, it smells lovely. If youve never smelled 'that smell', I suggest a nice long drive in the country. When you come upon a farm, take a big whiff. You will get a HINT of the smell. Oh, and Im fortunate enough to live on the edge of town. The nearest corn field is about 4 blocks away. Yay!

Its pretty damn flat here. Ask Eric. He has a lot to say about the flatness of IL. There are trees, but not TREES. My neighborhood is newer. Maybe 10 years old or so and our trees are still somewhat little. We have bunnies, but no squirrels. No trees = no squirrels. They live in trees, ya know. (off the subject of Northern IL to talk about these squirrels........I had a long debate with an old co-worker about squirrels and where they lived. I won. I had to bring in proof they lived in trees.)

We have tornado warnings here in the summer. I have yet to actually see a tornado. Im one of those who stands on the front porch waiting for it to come ripping through my neighborhood. (edge of town, first to get hit....get it?) Im still waiting.

It snows here too. Kids had 5 snow days. Thats a lot for them. I know I mentioned that in a recent blog. I hate snow....I hate winter. I HATE being cold.

Im getting bored with talking about where I live, but theres more.....

I was born and raised here. I lived here for 18 years before my family moved to AZ. I thought it was bad here, jeeeez, move to Kingman, AZ. Thats a whole other blog.

I dont like where I live. I have about 2 years left here then I can move. Joint custody. Ex is an asshole. Its not worth fighting over. I pushed my patience button with him a long time ago. I hope, no, I AM, moving to North Carolina when I do move. Its an ocean, trees, family, friends, lifestyle, NASCAR thing. I have been there a few times and Im in love with that state. Im not sure where Im moving to, I just know I will be there. I hope to get a house and that house will have roots. I want to stay where I move. I havent had roots since I was 18.

What do my kids think of this? Im sure somebody is wondering. I know my oldest son with move 'with' me. He actually just moved back from there because, 'he missed his mom'. The other 3 kids......I have no idea. My two girls are and have been pretty independent. My youngest son will live near his mom. Who knows, maybe they will all move down there. I tease them often that I will call them, dont call me.

Anything else?

On to what Eric wanted me to talk about.

What Im feeling and thinking.

That is so Eric. He is always wanting to know whats on my mind. How I feel. What Im thinking about. Im still adjusting to that. Its usually me that asks those questions. I know deep down hes what I want. I need time. He knows this and understands. Hes an amazing man. He doesnt need a patience button......lucky sod! (got that saying from an English friend)

I was thinking, while doing dishes, that I want to write out my obituary before I die. Why leave that to my kids, or god forbid, grand kids to try and figure out? I have written obituaries for my Sister and Nephew. My Gram is next. Its hard. I dont know half the information they want. What did they accomplish in their lives before I was born? Who was their god parents? When is their birthday??? So you try and get the facts straight. You think you have it nailed. Then, at the visitation service, some random person comes up to you and says you forgot to mention them in the obituary. What do you say? Sorry!? Im going to work on it. Im only 40, but who the hell knows what tomorrow brings.

Im sitting here thinking more about this. Maybe I will pick out my music too. I dont want funeral music. Its no fun. I like to think Im a fun person. I make people laugh, therefore I am a fun person. Yeah. I think I want some Aerosmith and Train. Maybe a little LIVE too. Stuff I like. Im sure somebody will appreciate my choice of music. After all, a funeral is a celebration of Life!

My Gram is dying. 99 years of LIFE! Thats fucking amazing!

heh, Just when the house got quiet and my 'bubble' is back to its normal shape, everyone will be back here, soon.

Its supposed to be 80 this weekend. I may actually thaw out. 80 to 85 is my kinda weather. Im going to be home alone this weekend. First time in 2 months. I am going to take advantage of my brothers jacuzzi. Im going to take advantage of the silence. Im going to take advantage of my hot ass shower! This will be the calm before the storm. I feel it.

I have more, but I need to go get this knot in my lower back taken care of. My PT, Julie, is gonna HOOK ME UP!

Peace Out......

5-21-08

2008-05-21T18:55:00.000-05:00

Whats new with me? Hmm.....

Nothing.

Well, there are things, but who really cares? More crap about my Gram. Crap about my back.

Im getting tired of talking about the same stuff. I need a subject. Anybody want to know anything? Got a subject for me??

Eric, you dont count.

Peace Out....

5-20-08

2008-05-20T08:19:00.000-05:00

So, I went to the doctor yesterday and somebody fucked up. I waited a month and a half for this appointment and whoever read my CT scan in March, didnt write down what they saw. SO, now somebody else has to read it all over again, take notes and then I have to go back and try again. It sucks because I have to wait another week, BUT, I dont have to go back to work yet.

I went into work after this 'appointment' to let them know what was going on. My boss, the jerk that he is, put me on the schedule for next week. Can he do that without me being cleared? I didnt think so. Maybe that glass ball on his desk does do something other than hold his paperwork down. Jerk.

Oh, also at this appointment, the doctor did do a few things to me to check for pain, where it was, etc. It appears the pain has shifted from my left side to my right. Yeah, I found this out when he raised my right leg and I about knocked him out. It hurt. Just a tad. So far, the only good news is that the pain is all in my back. If you call that good news. I think its good. I will wait for the call to the next appointment.

Nothing really to get off my chest. This blog may be a waste of my time and yours. Im sorry if youre reading this and youre bored stiff. Dont read it. Simple.

My Gram went home from the hospital yesterday. Im hesitant to go see her. She probably wont know who I am. She will yell at me to get her out of this 'hell hole'. Its just not my Gram. Its hard to go see her like this. I give her a week before the nursing home wants to put her back in the hospital. Its a vicious cycle.

School is almost out. My kids have to make up a week of school due to snow days. That hasnt happened in YEARS! Im talking like 20. Probably when I was in school. Its not uncommon for 1 make up day, but 5? Makes for a short summer.

Ok, now Im even bored, but I wont delete it. I havent deleted for a while. Im proud of me.

Peace Out.....

5-19-08

2008-05-19T06:48:00.000-05:00

Its 648am. The sun is shining. The birds are chirping. The kids are getting ready for school. And today, I find out when I go back to work.

I knew this day was coming. I was just hoping it would come in like, September.

Things eventually go back to normal in life. Guess its my time. My two months off have been busy, to say the least. It has been a good time for me to be off. I met Eric. I spent time with my kids. I had company from NC. I was able to take care of my Gram. I met some new friends on the Internet. Best yet, while doing all this, I got paid!!

Im not sure what they are going to say about my back today. Not much. Probably some kind of game plan to help manage the pain. And yes, Im still in pain. It sucks.

School is almost out and when I do go back to work, Im putting in for my summer vacation. Why not, right? My plan is to go to NC again. I love the beach and I miss the beach. Swing down to GA and visit a few people. The race is in July here and I was blessed with 2 all access pit passes. Yeah, Im excited about that. My goal there, meet Dale Jr. and maybe get a photo. It would be my last photo because I would probably die after that. I love him. I hope to, at some point, get out to PA as well. If its only for a long weekend, I think it would be good to spend time with Eric. I know he wants me out there to meet people.

Before I know it, it will be September again. Kids back to school. Work getting busy again. Winter! I hate winter.

I think Im going to try and stop all that from coming so quickly. Take one day at a time and not worry about whats coming up. Put the brakes on life. Think it will work?

Crap, I need to go back to work. Wake up is 230am. Work from 4 to 1230. Relax for a few hours before the kids come home. Dinner. Bed at 7pm. Ahhh, the memories of being tired all the time are quickly coming back.

I hope all of you have a great day.

Peace Out...

5-17-08

2008-05-17T09:50:00.000-05:00

Wow, typing that date reminded me its my Dads birthday. My Dad died 20 years ago so there is no need for a card or gift. This will make me think of him today and how much I miss him. He only got to see my first born. Travis was 6 months old when he died. That was a bad day for everyone. Besides my Mom, I probably took it the worst. He was, my Dad.

Now its my Grandma. Shes still kicking. She is ready to go, but her heart still beats. Deep down, I hope I dont live until Im 99. I have seen everything she is going through, and I dont want to put my kids through that. Its hard and it sucks!

I need lighten this a little bit.

My company is all gone. I sat for about 12 hours yesterday and did NOTHING! It was great.

I didnt wish anyone to leave, but it was time. After being alone for the past 8 years, its hard to live with so many people in my house. Things were moved around. Messes were made. The washing machine didnt stop. It was hectic......but wonderful!

Every night, Eric and I would retreat to my bedroom. The door was closed, my cat was on my feet, and it was quiet. It was wonderful. Wonderful until I woke up at 3am and had no blankets. Eric is a blanket stealer! We, no I, fixed that problem the next night. I cant go without my blankies.

I can go on and on about the happenings while they were here, but Im not going to. Its memories that I will share at some point. Eric may say some stuff in his blog, I dont know. We had fun, laughed a lot, made a YouTube video (ask Eric for the link), talked, laughed some more, shared the stars, and enjoyed each others company. OH, and a lot of photos.

Eric met both of my closest girlfriends. Not really girlfriends, but more like sisters. My girls loved him. Eric also met my 2 brothers. Im not sure if they loved him, thats weird, but they liked him as well. Everything just seemed to click. He met my Gram, my neighbors, and a few others. I didnt keep him locked in my house, if thats what youre thinking.

What more can I ask for?

I can be honest and say that things arent perfect. Nothing is perfect. Eric and I have both been alone for a long time. I dont want whoever is reading this to freak out and call, write, text, email, or IM me. Everything is fine. I didnt hurt him, nor did he hurt me. We need to get used to sharing the same space with each other. That will take a little time. What did you expect? Things WOULD be perfect???

Its quiet here again. I like it quiet, but I miss the commotion. I miss Eric. I miss my brother and everything he brings to my life. I miss Lynette. Is there a happy medium?

I need to go to the store. NIU graduation is today. That means, A LOT OF TRAFFIC. Im sure that because of the shooting in February, the security will be amped up. Maybe I can make it to the grocery store nearby to get what I need. Hmmm....

All for now.

Peace Out.....

happy birthday, dad! i love you!

5-11-08

2008-05-11T10:17:00.000-05:00

So much for writing everyday. How about if I do that when I dont have any company in the house. Yeah.....Thats a good idea.

Happy Mothers Day. What is Mothers Day? Im a single mom. I still have to cook, clean and do 2 loads of laundry. Im a proud mom and Im not complaining. To me, everyday is Mothers Day.

I have friends and family here. I have enough steak in my fridge to feed a small army. Its raining outside. Crap. My son came to my room last night with 3 Tulips he had scoped out and stolen for me. Eric got me a card. My daughter called me. I suppose, today will be just like every other day. Its Sunday. Just another day, but today is Mothers Day.

Yesterday was a beautiful day. It was supposed to be cold and crappy.....it turned out to be sunny and beautiful. I took Eric around town with my son. There isnt much to see here. Ask Eric. It was a short day.

My brother was able to get us some steaks for dinner tonight. We got a good laugh out of that. Im not going into details. Lets just say, we all got a good laugh. Yeah, we laughed.

My son and his girlfriend decided to sleep outside in the tent last night. The low was in the 40s and it rained all night long. I guess she was a little pissed this morning at 630 when she came in. Maybe, just MAYBE, she learned something last night. I doubt it.

All for now. I need to shower and clean up a bit before my company gets here.

Happy Mothers Day to all you moms out there. I hope you dont have to make dinner, clean up or do any laundry. If you do, its ok. Kids are worth it!

Peace Out....

5-9-08

2008-05-09T12:58:00.000-05:00

Some things I will keep *shush* on here! Like a certain phone call at 11pm. Enough said.

Im behind. Ive had a hectic couple of days around here. My personal goal was to write something on here everyday. So I failed. Doesnt mean I cant start up again. I will try but life does get hectic.

Ok.....So, my darling Eric is back. Yay! He got here yesterday about 30 minutes before my PT appointment. Needless to say, it was very difficult leaving him! I got to PT and said, 'Lets GO'. I was out of there in 45 minutes with the promise I would go on a long walk in lieu of riding the damn bike for 15 minutes. I kept my promise. Eric, Kadie (the dog) and I went on a nice long moonlit walk. *sigh*

Im so happy hes back. I have missed him so very much. The void that was once there is now filled. Im so lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life. Im not letting him go...ever.

My girlfriend, Lynette, and my brother, Mark, also arrived 2 days ago. I think I mentioned this once before. Long...Long....Long story. Im not going there. At least, not yet. They brought along with them the new puppy, Widow, and their paralyzed dog, Moose. Moose got hit by a car not too long ago, and she couldnt put him down. Hes still 'Moose'. Please dont send me messages about animal cruelty...I know. I havent seen them in a few months, so to have them back in the house is wonderful. Squishy, but wonderful. Im very thankful that Eric and Mark are getting along. I was a little worried, but its all good.

So, I have a house full of people, animals, kids, boyfriends, girlfriends and chaos. I love it though. Everybody has a place to sleep. There seems to be food in the fridge to feed everyone. Everybody seems happy. So far, so good. I have 3 or 4 days to go. Eric, however, isnt leaving. I get to keep him for a few more days. This time will be good for us but it will also make him leaving that much more difficult.

The reason for all this company is because my Gram isnt doing all that great. Shes very confused and for me, its frustrating. She called my brother Mark, Neal yesterday. That about tore his heart out. Neal is our older brother. Not that there is anything wrong with Neal, its just that Mark hasnt seen Gram in a few months and he was hoping that she knew it was him. It was very hard for him. I dont blame him. Then he and Lynette took the trip to the cemetery to see our parents and our nephew that recently died. Another day for that as well.

This is getting depressing.

Im happy. I cant remember the last time I was this happy. Eric has brought out a part of me that I have never seen. He has made me feel things that I never thought were possible. Hes truly amazing and I am so blessed. I call him my Angel. He knows why....

I know I have more to say, I just dont know what.

Im looking at Eric as I type. His eyes, are happy. Mine, have tears welling.......Happy tears.

Eric, I love you

Peace Out...

5-6-08

2008-05-06T07:41:00.000-05:00

I didnt post yesterday and its only 741am today. Im a day late and a few hours short. Oh well. Story of my life.

I didnt want to come inside yesterday. It was the nicest day here. Everyone was outside. I saw neighbors I hadnt seen since the fall. It was awesome. I fired up the grill and made some exploding brats, bacon cheeseburgers and a few hot dogs. I always make way more than enough. This is one leftover I dont mind reheating.

My kids were running with the dog......playing some frisbee. My youngest was on the front porch with her computer. Im so damn happy spring has finally sprung. Living in Northern Illinois can suck. No, it does suck. We had the longest damn winter in history. It was snowing here on April 28th. I took video. I had to. We had the most snowfall this year since like 1978 or something. So to be outside and not want to come in, makes sense to me. Can anybody relate??

So, what to say? Its early and I want to go back to bed, to be honest with you.

Eric has directed, probably everyone reading this, to come check me out. Find out more about the love of his life.

Hi!

You can read all about my problems and issues in life. Im not sure if thats good reading or not. Im pretty normal except, I like to steal things from restaurants. Eric didnt know this until we were walking out of the Pub and I showed him the pepper shaker. He was mortified!!! He could NOT believe I took the pepper shaker. Its just a pepper shaker. To be fair, I should have taken its mate....but it just had no meaning to me. Im sure next time we go out for dinner, hes going to make sure Im 'clean' before we leave. lol....

Im not sure what to say. I kind of feel like Im in the spotlight. Friends of Erics reading about some random woman he met on the internet. Weird. I will confess that, never in a million years would I have ever thought about posting a blog. Eric let me read his and a few days later I just started typing. Now, for what ever reason, this isnt so bad. Strange people all over the world reading about my life. MY LIFE.

I will never have a 'topic'. Just a date. I will always type whats on my mind. Sorry if its boring. Its MY blog and MY life. If you dont find it as interesting as I do, well, sorry. I think this is just another way of getting whats floating around in my head, out. My days events. Random thoughts. Venting about something trivial. Isnt that what a blog is? Im also doing a very good job of not erasing what I typed. Im real good at typing a bunch of stuff only to erase it because it sounds 'stupid'. Given the opportunity, I would erase most of this blog.

Its 803am. The sun is shining and its beautiful outside. My dog is looking at me waiting for me to toss the next toy. Lets see....we are on toy number 3. Shes almost like a toddler. Well, I guess in dog years, she is! Shes not quite a year old and shes the cutest damn thing I have ever seen. Shes my angel muffin, or Kadie Maddison as she was named. I give her about 1/2 hour before she heads upstairs to sleep the day away.

Not much else is going on here. I have to go see my Gram today. She got the OK to have a glass of wine everyday. When I told her that, she lit up like a Christmas tree. I also have PT. Oh joy.

I have company coming. Or at least I think I do. I will find that out for sure today as well. My brother, best friend, puppy, paralyzed dog and Eric. *SMILE*

Toy number 4.......

All for today. If any of you reading this would like to contact me, please do. I have already made friends with a few of you on Facebook. Im not sure Im into responding to comments. Its a comment, not a conversation. If you would like to contact me, and dont know how, just ask Eric. Hes got all my info. As for me contacting you, if I cant figure that out, I will just ask Eric. lol

Peace Out.....

5-4-08

2008-05-04T17:11:00.000-05:00

An early blog for me today.

It has been an awesome day today. I spent most of it outside, in the sun.

I played some frisbee with my son. My back will be feeling that here before long. Had my dog out running her tail off. She loves running around the backyard. Im so blessed with this dog. She is my angel muffin. I tried to see my Gram today, but she was crashed and I didnt want to wake her. She looked good and is going back the nursing home this afternoon. Im going to visit her tomorrow as I know she will be tired.

I talked to my sister. Her and I dont really have much of a relationship. My 2 best girlfriends are more sisterly to me, than she is. Its sad actually. Nothing really I can do about it. I called her to give the the scoop on Gram. She lives in AZ and I doubt she will come out to see her. Shes not like that.

I spent some time talking to Eric. It seems that everyday, I realize a little more how much he loves me. Hes.....uh.....pretty amazing. Im truly happy. It feels good to be happy. I dont think Im as happy as I could be, but Im getting there.

I talked to one of my girlfriends today. She lives in NC. She was chillin on her front porch with her dogs and my brother. I was chillin on mine with my dog and my son. Her and I are so much alike, but so different. She is my female soul mate. If that makes any sense.

I talked to another one of my girlfriends today. Shes getting ready to move to MN. Im trying to talk her out of it. Why would you want to move there? They get a lot more snow than we do. I expressed this to her, and she understands. Shes still moving. We have been told that if one of us starts on the Atlantic side and the other the Pacific side, we will find each other without any form of communication. We are 2 peas in a pod. Shes one of my best 'work' friends. Somebody I will know and keep in touch with for the rest of my life.

hmm...What else happened today? I dont think anything. Kinda of a boring day, but a good day. I got some fresh air, got a little sun, spent quality time with one of my kids, played with the dog, spoke to a few very important people in my life. It seems today, life is good.

Whats going to happen tomorrow?

Peace Out....

5-4-08

2008-05-04T03:28:00.000-05:00

I tried so hard to get this blog in before midnight last night, but it just didnt work. I was talking to my Eric, my girlfriend Kathy, playing 3 games of Scrabble, and chatting with a friend from Australia that I met on FB.

Here is the update on my Gram. She looked great! Its amazing what some blood can do to a body. I think shes going home tomorrow/today. Not quite sure. But shes much better. Her heart is failing. Its 99 years old. Thats OLD! Shes tired and I think ready to leave this place and move on to bigger and better places. I know her first stop will be the casinos in Laughlin, NV. Nobody knows how much time she has with us. God will take her when hes ready. Im going to be a little selfish and hope its not for a few months. Is that asking too much?

So its 334am here. Kids are all asleep. My animals are surrounding me. Eric went to bed a few hours ago. I wish he were online because Im not tired. There is a party going on outside somewhere. My dog will raise her head and put out this small growl. Like shes going to save us or something. Its quite amusing. Its cold. Im waiting for 80 degrees and Im starting to wonder if it will ever get here.

I love NASCAR. It isnt about turning left, people. Its getting your car adjusted during the race to make it the best it can be. Starting from the back and making your way to the front with good pit stops and strategy. Most people just dont get it and I have given up trying to explain it. Either you like it or you dont. I love it!

So there was a race on tonight. Saturday night race at Richmond, VA. A short track. If Im not mistaken, its a 3/4 mile long track. I could get technical and look this up, but its 340am and Im a little lazy. You can go to NASCAR.com to get the information if you really want. Anyway, Eric was on the phone with me while it was ending. I have warned him that I get a little excited when there is a good race on. Well, he found out tonight how I get. Poor man. I actually felt bad for him. I was saying words I dont normally say because I was so pissed off. Stupid Kyle Busch hit my Dale Jr, spun him out of 2nd place, thus throwing a caution. Dale ended up 15th but is still 3rd in points. He was a little pissed himself. He should have won the race. *sigh* There is always next week.

Eric, Im sorry you had to hear me swear the way I did. I did warn you, honey.

My brother, best friend, puppy and paralyzed dog may be coming for a visit soon. To see Gram, of course. They also want to meet Eric. *sigh* I stress just thinking about it.

I live in a town home. 3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bath. There will be, if this happens, 3 dogs, 2 cats, 4 adults, 3 to 7 kids between the ages of 15 and 20....and a partridge in a pear tree, in my house. Maybe this is why Im awake at 349am.

It comforts me to know that I would be in my own room, with the door closed, with Eric holding me until I fall asleep. Unless, of course, my brother scares the shit out of him and he hikes it back to PA. Hes a brave man if really does take place. Personally, I would be scared.

Eric is an amazing man. I keep asking myself, him, my girlfriends, God....why and how I deserve such an amazing man. I have gotten quite a few different answers. The most popular answer is, 'because you DO deserve him'. I know I do.....the the 'me' in me thats having a problem with it.

I have been through a lot in my life. An ex husband who.......lets not talk about him today. Lets just say, hes an ass. A few boyfriends that started out as potentials, but ended up being duds. Besides the so called men in my life, I have lost both my parents, have raised my 4 kids by myself during the hardest time in their lives.....those pre-teenage years, trying to keep sane, working full time, managing my house......I could go on and on.

Eric

I wasnt going to mention him tonight, but I cant stop thinking about him. Hes amazing. I have known him for 3 weeks or so, and it feels like a lifetime. He and I fit together like 2 puzzle pieces. I love him with all my heart. Thank you for finding me, baby.

The party is finally over. Im not sure if the police were involved, but its quiet now. My dog went upstairs to find her blankie and snuggle. Rico, well, hes laying next to me wishing I would just go to bed so he can follow. Bob, hell, who knows where Bob is.

410am. Im going to bed.

One more little thing....Eric finally won a game of Scrabble against Kathy and I. He got a word worth 106 points. I am so proud of him.

Hey, theres Bob....hehe

Peace Out....

5-2-08

2008-05-02T22:32:00.000-05:00

Its 10:32pm. Im tired. My dog want to play. My cats are asleep. My kids are all gone. Either to girlfriend or boyfriends houses. I really think my dog just 'woke' up. Jeeeeez. The race is on. Richmond, VA tonight. Good race....but my Dale Jr. isnt racing. Thats tomorrow night. Oh you know I will be watching that. He starts 22nd. Not great, but its a good track for him. No worries.

It was a long day for me. It started out by me getting up at about 6am to make sure my kids get up for school. Why do I do this? Probably because I know if I dont call them or wake them up myself, they wont get up. Typical of my kids. So, its 635am and Im yelling for them to get their asses out of bed. My son opens his door and yells...Mom, we dont have school today. WTF?? Thanks for telling me. This pissed me off because I would have loved nothing more than to sleep in. Just for another hour or so. Oh well. I got online. Why not?

So, Im wide awake. Take the trash out that my son was too lazy to do and let the dog out. Its beautiful outside at 7am. Its supposed to rain, so its humid. But still, beautiful. Quiet, peaceful. I come inside and it starts to rain. It smells so clean. I love that smell. The dog went back to bed, the cats are chillin' on the couch and Im on Facebook. Im addicted, ok. First step is admitting you have an addiction. I can admit to things like this.

If you dont have FB (Facebook), dont get it. You will find you spend too much time on there goofing off. Sending your friends, plants, hugs, monsters, kisses, flowers, rainbows, etc. Not to mention owning people. Yes, you can own people on there. Its like a human auction. Its pretty cool, but addicting as well. I have already admitted to the addiction, so Im good.

Eric pops on and we start playing our game of Scrabble. Yeah, its on FB as well. After kicking his butt...hehe....Love you honey.....I get a phone call from the nursing home. Its my Gram. She is on her way to the E.R.

I jump in the shower, get dressed and fly out the door. I mentioned my Gram is 99 years old, so I hurry whenever something happens to her. Within 30 minutes Im at the hospital. Im not a foo foo girl, so it doesnt take me long to get ready.

I walk in and shes just laying there smiling. I looked at her, took her hand, and asked her....What the hell are you doing here? All she could do was laugh at me. She looked good to me. She has been having problems breathing and hasnt been able to decide what she wants to do. I guess she finally got tired of not being able to breathe and decided it was time to go to the 'dreaded' hospital again.

So shes hooked up to what seems like 100 miles of wires, cords, tubes, etc. But shes still smiling. They take blood. A lot of blood from her. She made the comment that they were going to 'drain her.' I reassured her that they werent going to do that. They take X-rays, take more blood, give her some kind of drippy medicine, catheter (i spell checked that). And now we wait. She fell asleep. I fell asleep. I asked to sleep in the bed next to her, but it was a no go.

The Dr finally comes in. Shes in heart failure. She has fluid in her lungs.....wet lungs is what the Dr said. AND she has lost half of the blood in her body since she was in the hospital a week or so ago. Needless to say, shes a mess. I told her she was like a tossed salad. Got her to laugh.

They gave her meds to get the fluid out of her body. 1000 ml in 2 hours came out of her. Yeah, I thought it was a lot too. I can only imagine how much more has come out since. They were going to fill her back up with blood. Which is always a good thing. Dr said she was going to be there for a few days and then she can go back to the nursing home.

WTF???

Heart failure. Doesnt that mean her heart is failing?? He made it sound like shes going to be up and running around in no time. Mind you, Gram hasnt ran anywhere in about 2 years or so.

As I sat there and watched her sleep, I was texting with Eric. Hes amazing. At a moments notice, he was willing to drive out here (9 hrs) to be with me. Who does that? Eric, I know youre reading this and you want to leave a message, dont. I get it, honey. I get it.

I wondered if 10 years ago she would still be alive at this point. Medicine is amazing. The things they can do, etc. Just amazing.

I wondered who I should call. My brother is in Vegas for work. Who else is there? A few relatives that cant really do anything. Shes not dying that I know of. So I just sat there, watching her. Texting Eric. Dozing.

I left my Gram about 15 minutes before they took her up to her room. She was ready to lay in a bed and sleep. I had spent roughly 5 hours, sitting in a chair, watching my Gram. Not really what I had planned for the day. Sometimes we just have to do things that arent fun. I didnt have fun.

I was a bitch when I came home. So much so, I havent seen my kids since they left about 5 minutes after I got home. Its ok. They didnt sit up there. They got to sleep. They got to be lazy and irresponsible. Its ok.

I will go to the hospital tomorrow morning, while my kids are sleeping, and visit with my Gram. She needs Carmex. She wants Junior Mints. I will bring her both.

My brother is sleeping in Vegas. I took all the worry away from him so he can sleep tonight and work a 16 hour day tomorrow.

*sigh* Heart failure. What does that mean??

Thats it for tonight. These blogs keep getting longer and longer. Dog is asleep. Cats are awake.
Go figure!

I didnt delete or re-read again. All for now....

Peace Out...

5-1-08

2008-05-01T20:07:00.000-05:00

Happy May Day.

Does anybody even celebrate May Day anymore? I can remember when I was a kid, my mom, brother, sister and I would make paper baskets. My mom would make popcorn while we were coloring or decorating our 'baskets' and we would then fill them up, walk around the neighborhood and hang them from door knobs of random houses. I can understand why people dont do it these days. This world just isnt the same as it was 25 years ago.

Just a memory I thought I would share.

Had a pretty good day today. I have been making plans to take the Amtrak to Pittsburgh to see Eric. Yeah, I havent said much about him, Im afraid of the proverbial jinx. So once I can get my kids to sit down for a few minutes, Im going to talk to them about it. $134 round trip from Chicago to Pittsburgh just seems too good to be true. So inexpensive compared to driving.

Eric. I love him.

I didnt go see my Gram today. I think I needed a break. I know shes fine and I will see her tomorrow and bring her the few things she wanted. Junior Mints, cough drops and a needle and thread. For some reason she thinks shes going to be sewing. Im not sure what you sew in a nursing home.

My best girlfriend got my brother a black lab puppy today. She named him Widow. Mark, my brother, has a thing with Black Widow spiders. So it only makes sense to name the black dog Widow. My brother and her are dating.....way long story. Maybe like a few days worth of blogs, so Im not going to get into it. The dog is HIS. He is a few days worth of blogs as well, but to know him, is to understand him. Not many people understand him. By not many, I mean maybe 2. Me and her. And soon the dog.

My house is quiet right now. Kids are all outside. It in the mid 70s right now and we are expecting a lot of rain. I like rain. It calms me, so it can rain all it wants.

I love Eric...... *sigh*

Ok.....I got nothing more today.

Peace Out.....

4-30-08

2008-04-30T13:01:00.000-05:00

I didnt post yesterday. It was one of those days that it wouldnt have been good to post. It was one of 'those' days.

My day started off with a meeting at the school. Thats never a good thing. My oldest daughter, who turned into an adult at the strike of midnight on her 18th birthday, may not graduate with her class. I mean, there is a possibility. She made the adult decision to prove her father wrong and work her ass off and get the credits she needs. By the end of the meeting, I was pissed off and she was crying. She is such a smart kid and it kills me to step back and let her be the 'adult' she thinks she is. I know she will graduate. I know she can do it. Im still stepping back.

My next meeting was with my 99 year old Grandmother. Yes, I said 99. Shes amazing. I could blog about her all day long, but Im not going to. Not today, at least. So, the first thing she said to me was, 'I want to die.' Well HELLO to you to, Grandma. Shes been put in a nursing home recently and she hates it there. I dont blame her one bit. I hate it there too. I have told all those closest to me, NEVER to put me in a nursing home. If I need some sort of will, or legal paperwork, Im on it! I cant live with the dying. Anyway....My visit with my Grandma ended up with her crying and me running for the door. She didnt want to shower and I didnt want to be there anymore. God, I hope that doesnt make me a bad person. Needless to say, she did take her shower, and I did go back later that evening. More on that in a few. I think that will be improper paragraph number 4.

Next meeting. My physical therapy meeting. Oh Joy! It wasnt so bad today. It seems to get easier and easier each time. Still, its not my favorite place to be on a Tuesday afternoon. Julie, my PT, decided to wean me off the ice packs. Which really sucks. Its seems that putting that frozen slab of plastic on my back for 20 minutes really helps. The last time I had it, my back was still 'frozen' 25 minutes later. Any longer on the ice pack and I would have had to chip it off my skin!! Still, it felt good.

Store, dinner, relax.

Time for improper paragraph number 4.

I get a call from my Grandma. Its 7pm . She needs underwear. NOW. She wanted me to hire somebody to bring her some underwear. I told her I would be right down. Its only a 5 minute drive from my house. I get down there and shes a mess. Not like a mess mess.....but a mess. She said the blankets were too heavy. She wanted new ones. She said her socks were too tight, she wanted them loosened up. She wanted string. What the hell does she need with string?? OH, and she wanted clothes pins. I dont even know if they make them anymore. So, basically, all she needed me there for was to 'fluff' her blankets and pillow. Im not sure if she was happy or not. Maybe. I had her laughing at the situation, as well as the visitors in the room. She told me to stop making her laugh because she couldnt breathe. With gritted teeth, I told my Grandma I loved her and threatened not to come the next day. Then she told me I had better come up, or else. Or else what? lol. So, after 25 minutes or so of 'fluffing', I left my Grandma. She was ready for bed and I hope she slept well.

Today, Im going to see her again. This time I think Im stopping by to get her some wine. She needs it. The Dr. doesnt want her to have any. The thoughts of my brother and I....Give the 99 year old woman what the hell she wants!!! Simple.

Today has been a better day. I have spoken to my love. My kids are happy. My laundry is done, and the house is clean.

Thats all for today....

Peace Out....

4-28-08

2008-04-28T10:28:00.000-05:00

There are Tulips and Daffodils outside, and its beautiful. It snowed today. Yes, snowed. Im not talking little flakes you can barely see, Im talking snowballs. It was.....wicked? Good word for snow in late April. I would think that the Robins and other birds around here didnt appreciate the snow. Like me, they were probably saying, 'WTF'!

I miss my company. I have talked to him today already....and I miss him. Im starting to question if this is what I really, really want. I know deep inside its what I want. Im just scared of being hurt, yet again. This man wouldnt hurt me. Hes different. Yeah, I know, they all say that, but he IS different. Why do I miss him?

I told him I need time. I think thats fair. I know Im going to see him again. I think, no, I know, this is what I want. Im just scared. I have that little tiny voice in my head telling me that life is short, so very short, GO FOR IT!!! Im scared...

Im still off work. Yeah, still. Seeing as this is only my 2nd entry, and I didnt say anything in my first about being off work, you didnt know this. I dont want to go back. I like my job, hate my boss syndrome. He is one of those that sets people up to fail. He is trying with me, and its not working. I win! Asshole.

I often say.......What comes around, goes around. And when it comes back, its so much worse!!!

He will get his. I have to have patience.

Crap, I just deleted. I didnt promise I wouldnt delete. Sometimes theres a time and a place.

For now, thats all I want to say.

Peace Out.

4-27-08

2008-04-27T17:27:00.000-05:00

Im not really sure what to say. Ive never done this before. I know when I type an email and I start to ramble, I delete most of it and start over. My goal is to not delete anything I type.

I know only 1 other person that has a blog. I thing it releases stress. I have plenty of that to go around. Anybody want some?

I met a man this weekend that I met on the net. What do I say? Wonderful, sweet, caring, genuine. I have never been treated so well before. I dont know why Im worthy of him.

He left today after driving 8 hours to meet me. He was here for the weekend, and what a weekend it was. My kids really liked him. My friends really liked him. I really liked him. He slid right in. Not in that way....get your minds out of the gutter. Sheesh.

Today is my sons 17th birthday. My GOD does time fly by. Seems like just yesterday....

OK. So I think this is long enough. For me anyway. I want to keep everything else in my head for right now.

Peace out.....