11-17-08

Hi.

The wind is blowing.

The leaves are flying.

Its cold.

The only nice thing about today is that the sun is out.

This time of year is my darkest. Im depressed, always cold, unhappy, depressed and cold. Did I mention that I was cold??

It is the time of year my father died. My nephew died. The holidays. The weather.

My shining light is that Eric is moving here. He wont let me be cold, depressed or unhappy. I look forward to this. He cant take away the passing of my dad or my nephew, but he can make it more tolerable.

Im not sure yet if Im going to be in the mood for Christmas. The kids and I werent last year. Hell, we didnt even put up a tree.

Im in the mood for Thanksgiving. I have things to be thankful for. I am thankful for things every day so a holiday isnt really needed for me. Oh and, Eric will be here 2 days later.

I read things my sister leaves on her MySpace account. It bothers me. It depresses me. I cant relate to loosing a child, however, Justin was like a child to me. He was my 'Little Man'. He was my 5th child. He was my baby. I miss him every single day and there isnt anything I can do to bring him back. My sister cant move forward. I know the reasons why just as well as she does. She and I arent on talking terms. We havent been for a few months now. Once again, I know why.

Im trying to get past the things she says, but its difficult at times. Today was a rough day. I will get better as the day goes on. I will think about Justin a little more than usual today.

Im going to the Dr with Jessica. See how my grandson is cooking.

Have a great day. Hug the ones you love.

Peace out...