4-30-08

I didnt post yesterday. It was one of those days that it wouldnt have been good to post. It was one of 'those' days.

My day started off with a meeting at the school. Thats never a good thing. My oldest daughter, who turned into an adult at the strike of midnight on her 18th birthday, may not graduate with her class. I mean, there is a possibility. She made the adult decision to prove her father wrong and work her ass off and get the credits she needs. By the end of the meeting, I was pissed off and she was crying. She is such a smart kid and it kills me to step back and let her be the 'adult' she thinks she is. I know she will graduate. I know she can do it. Im still stepping back.

My next meeting was with my 99 year old Grandmother. Yes, I said 99. Shes amazing. I could blog about her all day long, but Im not going to. Not today, at least. So, the first thing she said to me was, 'I want to die.' Well HELLO to you to, Grandma. Shes been put in a nursing home recently and she hates it there. I dont blame her one bit. I hate it there too. I have told all those closest to me, NEVER to put me in a nursing home. If I need some sort of will, or legal paperwork, Im on it! I cant live with the dying. Anyway....My visit with my Grandma ended up with her crying and me running for the door. She didnt want to shower and I didnt want to be there anymore. God, I hope that doesnt make me a bad person. Needless to say, she did take her shower, and I did go back later that evening. More on that in a few. I think that will be improper paragraph number 4.

Next meeting. My physical therapy meeting. Oh Joy! It wasnt so bad today. It seems to get easier and easier each time. Still, its not my favorite place to be on a Tuesday afternoon. Julie, my PT, decided to wean me off the ice packs. Which really sucks. Its seems that putting that frozen slab of plastic on my back for 20 minutes really helps. The last time I had it, my back was still 'frozen' 25 minutes later. Any longer on the ice pack and I would have had to chip it off my skin!! Still, it felt good.

Store, dinner, relax.

Time for improper paragraph number 4.

I get a call from my Grandma. Its 7pm . She needs underwear. NOW. She wanted me to hire somebody to bring her some underwear. I told her I would be right down. Its only a 5 minute drive from my house. I get down there and shes a mess. Not like a mess mess.....but a mess. She said the blankets were too heavy. She wanted new ones. She said her socks were too tight, she wanted them loosened up. She wanted string. What the hell does she need with string?? OH, and she wanted clothes pins. I dont even know if they make them anymore. So, basically, all she needed me there for was to 'fluff' her blankets and pillow. Im not sure if she was happy or not. Maybe. I had her laughing at the situation, as well as the visitors in the room. She told me to stop making her laugh because she couldnt breathe. With gritted teeth, I told my Grandma I loved her and threatened not to come the next day. Then she told me I had better come up, or else. Or else what? lol. So, after 25 minutes or so of 'fluffing', I left my Grandma. She was ready for bed and I hope she slept well.

Today, Im going to see her again. This time I think Im stopping by to get her some wine. She needs it. The Dr. doesnt want her to have any. The thoughts of my brother and I....Give the 99 year old woman what the hell she wants!!! Simple.

Today has been a better day. I have spoken to my love. My kids are happy. My laundry is done, and the house is clean.

Thats all for today....

Peace Out....

4-28-08

There are Tulips and Daffodils outside, and its beautiful. It snowed today. Yes, snowed. Im not talking little flakes you can barely see, Im talking snowballs. It was.....wicked? Good word for snow in late April. I would think that the Robins and other birds around here didnt appreciate the snow. Like me, they were probably saying, 'WTF'!

I miss my company. I have talked to him today already....and I miss him. Im starting to question if this is what I really, really want. I know deep inside its what I want. Im just scared of being hurt, yet again. This man wouldnt hurt me. Hes different. Yeah, I know, they all say that, but he IS different. Why do I miss him?

I told him I need time. I think thats fair. I know Im going to see him again. I think, no, I know, this is what I want. Im just scared. I have that little tiny voice in my head telling me that life is short, so very short, GO FOR IT!!! Im scared...

Im still off work. Yeah, still. Seeing as this is only my 2nd entry, and I didnt say anything in my first about being off work, you didnt know this. I dont want to go back. I like my job, hate my boss syndrome. He is one of those that sets people up to fail. He is trying with me, and its not working. I win! Asshole.

I often say.......What comes around, goes around. And when it comes back, its so much worse!!!

He will get his. I have to have patience.

Crap, I just deleted. I didnt promise I wouldnt delete. Sometimes theres a time and a place.

For now, thats all I want to say.

Peace Out.

4-27-08

Im not really sure what to say. Ive never done this before. I know when I type an email and I start to ramble, I delete most of it and start over. My goal is to not delete anything I type.

I know only 1 other person that has a blog. I thing it releases stress. I have plenty of that to go around. Anybody want some?

I met a man this weekend that I met on the net. What do I say? Wonderful, sweet, caring, genuine. I have never been treated so well before. I dont know why Im worthy of him.

He left today after driving 8 hours to meet me. He was here for the weekend, and what a weekend it was. My kids really liked him. My friends really liked him. I really liked him. He slid right in. Not in that way....get your minds out of the gutter. Sheesh.

Today is my sons 17th birthday. My GOD does time fly by. Seems like just yesterday....

OK. So I think this is long enough. For me anyway. I want to keep everything else in my head for right now.

Peace out.....