12-29-08

Hi.

Its quiet in my house. Eric is at an interview. Jessica just left with Brad for a doctors appointment. Hailey is at her dads. Cory, I assume, is at his girlfriends. Travis is at work. The cats are sleeping, as usual. Kadie just had a shower and is sleeping as well.

Im home alone.

Its sunny and real windy outside. There isnt much snow left after the past few days of 50 degree weather and rain. It almost looks like spring outside. Im not fooled. There are 80 days left until spring.

Im working 9 days in a row. For some this may be no big deal. For me, Im excited to see the paycheck that follows. It will be slightly more than the piddle that I usually get. I have been looking around for something that pays more, but there isnt anything. Im not going to drive an hour to go to work. To me, its not worth it. I need to be accessible for my kids. Yeah, they arent little anymore, but I still need to be a 5 minute drive away if there is an emergency. Its a 'mom' thing.

Eric has a job fair thingy today. He had to get up early and drive an hour. I was going to call him when I woke up but he surprised me. I heard my dog bark, then him telling her to 'shut up'. Ok....he didnt exactly tell her to 'shut up', but you get the picture. Here came the most handsome man down the stairs. He had a suit on and smelled so damn good. He was clean shaven and smelled so DAMN good. Not everyday that Im waken up by a man in a suit. Probably a good thing, come to think about it.

He called me when he got to his destination. I think he was nervous. I just told him that he had nothing to lose, so be himself. Im nervous for him, but Im sure he will do fine.

Things are tight here. We are living day to day. Im sure we arent the only ones. It sucks.

I have this weird sense that things are going to be ok. Ive never felt like this before. Im calm and not stressed about much. First time in my life, I think.

Eric has done something to me. Hes done a lot of things to me but thats besides the point. He has given me a sense of security. Even though things arent the greatest economically, I know things are going to be ok. With him, me, us, my kids, our friends. It just a matter of time.

Im not too sure what the new year is going to bring for us, or me for that matter. Eric and I are going to make a list of things we would like to see or do, accomplishments, goals. Just a list. Nothing fancy. I dont do resolutions. They last about a week then they are forgotten. We plan to make this list on new years eve then seal it up. Next year we will open the envelopes and see what we can check off. Maybe the list for the next year will include some of the stuff we didnt do or accomplishments we didnt accomplish.

This year for me, has gone from being the saddest to the most joyful.

My 13 year old nephew died this January. I will never get over it. I will never forget it. I have never had anything happen to me that can make me cry in an instant. Im going to think of him every single day for the rest of my life and Im never going to forget him. I miss him so much, it hurts.

I met my Eric. Who knew we would go so far? It started off with a conversation with him saying he 'just wants friendship' to me saying 'i will never get married again'. Good Lord! I cant say that we have had ups and downs. It seems with him there have just been speed bumps. I thank my little angel for him. I can not imagine life without Eric.

My 99 year old grandma died. She lived a very full life. She is what I strive to be. She was the most amazing woman. Caring, loving, funny, smart. She is so missed by my entire family. She was the center of everything. I have so many things around my house that remind me of her, it keeps her alive in my mind. Im so fortunate that she got to meet Eric. She liked him. When I would go see her while he was in Pittsburgh, she would ask about him. Asking me when are we going to get married. That was my grandma.

Im going to be a grandma. March 10th. Curtis Justin Bradly. I cant wait for that little bugger to get here. Hes going to be loved by such a big family. I know that Jessica and Brad are going to be great parents. OK, so I worry about Brad. Thats normal, right?

I cant wait to see what next year brings. It will have an abundance of laughter, some sorrow, a lot of joy, a little pain, tons of fun, but mostly, it will have a shitload of love.

I wish everyone a wonderful new year. I hope its filled with peace and joy, laughter and fun. I hope that our paths dont part and I see you all next year.

Peace out...